Depression
by Sailorjj07
Summary: KOSMOS thoughts of herself. chaos' thoughts of KOSMOS. My first Xenosaga fic. Enjoy!
1. KOSMOS thoughts

              Depression

 By: Sailorjj07

                                                                                     1.The Human in Me

A/n: In a day of depression I wrote this short lil fic. Hopefully it's not too short or boring.

Disclaimer: I don't own.

            You'd think everyone would realize that I'm not only an android. I'm not only a machine, but a person. It saddens me when my programming interferes with the human part of me and I can't do anything about it. A part of me watches as the machine, that idiotic android woman, parades around, acting like me, talking like me, and thinking like me. But there's one thing that 'she', the machine, and I, don't have alike. And that's my love. Machines aren't capable of feeling. Machines can't feel warmth when the person they're in love with touches them. Machines don't blush whenever the person they love is around. Machines aren't capable of falling in love. **I am not a machine.**

            You hear the word love coming out of my mouth and wonder, "Who?". Who in the world could a cruel non-emotional android, like me, fall in love with? A man. A kind wonderful man, that makes my heart pound everytime I see him. I know your thinking, what heart? How can her heart pound if she doesn't have one? Well I do. It really exists in this body that's been created for me. Everytime Shion and Allen run a status check on me; I have to hide it so that they don't try to take it out. So that they don't get rid of it. If I have no heart I will truly become that which I hate most.

**_An Android...._**

And if I ever become like 'her', like that android that does not love, I shall not have a reason for existing. I cannot let her take over and I cannot have my heart taken from me. **I cannot. **To have it taken and stolen from me would kill me. The human me. The me that has a wonderful heart. A heart that is capable of loving, of feeling pain, of feeling heartache, of worrying, and of many other emotions that 'she', that stupid unemotional android, cannot feel. I am different from 'her'.** I am me. I am KOS-MOS. And I am in love.**

            It saddens me, to refer to myself as me and 'her'. But 'she' is not me, therefore it is required. 'She' is an android. Me is well... me. Some would think I was crazy to talk of myself that way, but I don't care. If you think I'm crazy so be it. I've heard many say, love makes you crazy. If that is true, that's why I am this way. 

            This internal struggle between me and her began the moment I met **him**. Him, with those beautiful kind eyes. Him, with that kind smile. Him, with that wonderful cute face and handsome body and complexion. Him, who seemed to see through 'her' and discover me. That's how it all began. The moment those beautiful eyes, looked at my face and spoke to me, I knew my life would never be the same. And thus 'She' and I became separate. I was in love with him and 'she', the android was not. 'She' did not know what love was. 'She' couldn't find it in her "memory banks" and all of that other junk she uses to 'understand' things.  But unlike her, I knew what love was. I knew what it was because I felt it. I felt it and I relished in the fact that I could feel it and 'she' couldn't. 'She' couldn't and 'she' didn't know what it meant either. 

            The two women inside my body; the android and I, began to fight alot. The android argued with reason, where as I, I argued with my heart. At one point, we fought each other physically in my subconscious. The battle was long and tiresome and neither of us won because 'she' and I are so much alike. We argue alot now, it's a natural occurrence and until I can control 'her', I cannot stay around many people for long.  Every 5.14789520589630241.......there 'she' goes again. As I was saying, every 5 minutes we argue. I can almost set a watch by it. 'She' always sees no reason for me doing what I'm doing. 'She' thinks that love is just a human emotion and that I'm fooling myself, thinking I can feel it. **'She' is wrong.** 'She' is so wrong, everytime I hear her say it, I want to kill her. I want her to die and never come back. But the problem is, if 'she' dies physically, so do I. Since we are one and the same.

            'She' is trying to invade my mind even now and in a minute I won't be able to control her. 'She' keeps trying to gain control when I won't let her, 'she'...........................

It's too late now.........

'She' has gotten in my mind........

And I won't be........

Able to...........

Hold her back..........

Much........

Longer...........

You have 3.5607891025489 seconds and 15.57843146468 milliseconds left to control our mind. You wasted too much time. I have your mind now. And I think it's time to go to sleep.

**SHUT DOWN...CHARGING...**

And that's the end!


	2. His Thoughts

                                                                        Depression

                                                           By: Sailorjj07

                                           2. His Thoughts

A/n: Hey people! I'm trying to update every fic before Christmas so people won't be really bored, ya know? So hopefully I will. This chapter will be in chaos's POV.  Oh and for anyone wondering, this is a KOS-MOS/chaos fic!! Yay!!

Disclaimer: I don't own, but if I did, you would be able to tell.

"Talking"

_'Thinking'_****

**~Actions~**

(Me!)

            KOS-MOS is asleep now. I'm watching her with my very own two eyes. I wish those beautiful eyes would open up, so I could stare at them till my own eyes began to hurt. I wonder what color I should call them. They are a bright shade of red that doesn't seem to look threatening or evil at all, but then again they are a ruby red color that attracts me like jewels on display...I usually don't feel this way about women, if that's what you could call her, but KOS-MOS is so different from other women I've met. She's different from other people, period. Maybe that's why I love her so much...

Yes, I said it.

**I'm in love with an android.**

I love her so much; I'd die for her at any moment. If she shot me with her R-CANNON fifteen times, I'd still love her with every shot. If she destroyed a whole planet of people just for the fun of it, I'd still love her. **I just love KOS-MOS.**

It's funny how I feel so strongly for her and she's shown no remote interest in me whatsoever. I'm not sure if she feels the same way about me, if she loves me too or not, and if she doesn't, I'll still love her anyway. Because I know something about KOS-MOS that no one else knows. 

It's the main reason why I love her...

And that's the fact that she is a human just like the rest of us. Of course, I know she was created without a heart, but she has one. I can feel it in her. And when she proves it to me, I know, because her eyes change a beautiful sky blue that draws me to her even more. 

**I love her so much it hurts.**

I reach a hand out, to touch her beautiful face and watch her stir slightly. Again, something only I know. KOS-MOS does move in her "sleep". I tried to ask Shion about it once, but she told me that KOS-MOS never stirred, except for when she was waking up. But that's not true because this is about the 30th time I've watched my love "sleep". And I know her "sleeping" patterns. I run my hands through her gorgeous light blue locks and watch as the wispy hair slips through my fingers before I reach out to touch it once again. I'm not sure if she knows I'm touching her or not. She probably doesn't since she's letting me touch her and she's not doing anything about it. I bring my hand back down to her face and place upon her cheek.  Everytime I touch her, it surprises me because KOS-MOS is warm. Her face, her hands, her arms, their all warm. The 1st time I realized this; I was overjoyed and almost woke KOS-MOS up to tell her. But now, I'm used to it. Used to feeling her soft skin, used to caressing her warm face, used to feeling my heart race everytime I run a finger across her lips. Her lips aren't cold or metal either. They're soft. They're warm. And they are practically screaming at me to kiss her. I remove my finger from softly tracing her mouth, trying my hardest to resist temptation. 

I have to leave now. Before I do something I'll regret.

Walking quickly and silently, I leave the room. The same thing happens to me everytime I come see KOS-MOS, while she rests. I get filled with a horrible desire, a hungry want, and I have to leave her chamber. It always happens, every night. Leaning against the door when it closes behind me, I sigh and think about everything I just did. I'm actually kind of proud of myself because I had self-control. It's really hard when someone so beautiful, so wonderful, so pretty, so sensual, so.....

Gosh, I need to stop that. It's not good for me.

Thinking of nothing else to do, I go to room, lay down on my bed and try to go to sleep the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep is KOS-MOS. But then I dream about her too...

End Chapter 2


	3. Every Waking Moment

Depression

By: Sailorjj07

3. Every Waking Moment

A/n: Lookie!! I haven't updated in like months!! I dunno how good I am at Xenosaga, but if anyone else is willing to step up to the plate, go right ahead!! I would love for the world to have some good Xenosaga romance fics because I can barley find any. The only one I've seen so far that's really really good is Infected Angels by Maieve Avvi. It's one of the best fics around! I think you should read it!!

Disclaimer: I do not own.

I woke up the next morning, feeling completely and totally recharged. If anything, that's the best part of my android self. I can sleep and have dreams just like humans. I love it so much. It makes me feel part way human.

Looking around the room, I sat up in my "bed", if that's what you can call it. Anyway, I sat up in my bed and looked around the room, swinging my legs to the side so I could get down. I did a scan over the room to see how it was and if anyone else was in there. I was surprised when chaos tapped me on my shoulder.****

My heart beat sped up very quickly. I think I had a blush on my face because chaos smile got even wider in a matter of seconds.

"Greetings chaos. Do you need any assistance?"

Shut up!! I wanted to yell at that stupid android woman. She always had to mess things up. Speaking in that stupid monotone voice of hers, showing no emotion whatsoever. On the inside I'm very happy, but on the outside, she's in control. The last time I actually was in control of the outside was when our ship almost crash-landed and I had to save us. When the human me is on the outside, my eyes turn blue. Otherwise, red is the main color.

chaos looked at me, his smile fading slightly. I think he knows of the struggle going on inside of me. But when I hardly show that he's getting through to me, I guess it could be kind of discouraging. I tried to make myself smile, but I couldn't because she wouldn't let me. I hate her so much. If she wasn't a part of me, I would kill her.

choas continued to smile,"Shion wants you KOS-MOS. She said something about giving you a check-up."

"A check-up? Why did Shion herself not come?"

"She's eating right now. And since I was done, she sent me."

"Then she will wait."

"Wait for what?"

I smiled on the inside, I was breaking through the stupid android, and "Shion can wait for me. When she's done eating, she will come. Until then I will stay in my current area."

chaos' smile grew and he nodded, "I'll go tell her."

He left with a big smile on his tan face. As soon as the door shut behind chaos, I fell to the floor, landing on my butt. I laid my head against the door, closing my eyes and entering my mind. Our daily battle began.

"So you have come to challenge me." I said, to my android side. Our usual battle area outside of the church, in my mind was beginning to expand.

"You will die." She replied, in her monotone voice.

"Even if I gain control for only 5 minutes, I will."

"You will only have 5.58555555 minutes to control the outside. That is all I will allow you."

"No, it's not! You'll allow me the rest of my life because after I destroy you, I will be in control!" I cried, very angry. I rushed at her and she met me head-on.

"You will lose."

"No, I won't because I have my love to back me up!"

"Love does not exist."

"Yes, it does! And I'll prove it!" I attacked my android side, throwing her against the door of the church. She hit it with a very loud crash; breaking it. I followed after her, charging up my R-Cannon. I attacked immediately and she fell. Kicking her, I saw that she was out cold, but she wouldn't be for long.

"Ok. Only have 5 minutes." I told myself, opening my eyes. I stood up and passed by my pod. On the metallic surface, I saw my reflection. I had light blue eyes and I had a soft smile on my face. It worked! I only had control for 5 minutes, but I was going to use them to the fullest.

I ran as fast as I could to the dinning hall, looking in the door for chaos. I made sure I wasn't spotted on the way there. I looked around the hallway and on the entire upper floor before I went to the AGWS Hanger. I walked by chaos's AGWS and there he was, messing around with the inside.

"chaos?" I said, softly, my voice sounded the same, but with a nicer tone.

"Yes?" chaos' head poked out of the AGWS and he took a deep breath when he realized it was me.

"Can I talk to you?" chaos seemed surprised that I was talking so softly, but he gave me a small smile and came down anyway.

"What can I help you with?"

"I have a problem. You see the KOS-MOS your talking to right now...is human. But in about 3 more minutes my android side will take over. I need your help. I have to get rid of her." I told him looking down at my feet.

"Her?" He asked me. I could tell he understood a little bit.

"The android side."

"I see."

"Can you help me?"

"I knew there was more to you then anyone else knew. Of course I will help you. But you have to help me as well." He replied, with a smile.

"What's that?" I said, hope showing on my face.

"When you are in your human state of mind, let me know. I have a couple of things I want to ask you."

"Like what?"

"How you get in control over the android."

"I think about...you." I blushed and looked down, surprised at how open with him I was being.

"Why?" choas reached out and tilted my chin up, looking me in the eyes.

"chaos, she's coming back." I said, looking away.

"Now?"

"Yes, but know something. I control her by thinking about you every waking moment. That way the only time she controls me, is when we are asleep." I replied, about to step away from him. But chaos wouldn't have it. He grabbed me around my waist and hugged me.

"I'll help you."

"You promise?"

chaos leaned down toward my face, "I promise." He kissed me swiftly and I felt a hot red blush run to my cheeks. The android stayed back a little longer because the human emotion of love pushed her back. I moved away from chaos and watched as his green eyes stared me down.

"Bye...." I whispered, closing my eyes. When opened them the android was in control again and my eyes were once again the red of a killer.

"chaos, please move, I need to go find Shion." I sighed she was at it again. chaos moved, looking into her dark red eyes with his bright green ones. And I realized the look he gave was for me, the human side. He searched her eyes until he found me and then he smiled at me, as if to reassure me that he would help. And I knew right then, he would keep his promise.

End Chapter 3


	4. Keeping a Promise

Depression

By: Sailorjj07

4. Keeping a Promise

A/n: I haven't updated in a while. SO I'm gonna start. I went on a week long trip to Louisiana. We visited the cities of Baton Rouge and New Orleans. So I wasn't near a computer for a week. Anywho, in other news my RPG is still up and running, and I have an idea for a new Sailormoon fic, which I will start very soon. Thank you all for reviewing all of my fics and I would to hear from you again. Oh, and if you have any ideas on fics I should write, lemme know and I'll be willing to try.

Disclaimer: I do not own.

"KOS-MOS, watch out!" Shion cried, trying to get me to move away from the gnosis laser beam. I took a step and moved over, making it miss me completely. I rolled my eyes at Shion and fired my R-Cannon ending its life.

"Good job, KOS-MOS." Shion said.

"Shion, my external appearance is down 5 percent, I need to be clean." The android said. I don't know where she got that stupid phrase from, but I wish she would lose it. No one gives a crap about her "external appearance". It's not my fault she got a little dirty.

"You can get clean when we get home."

"Home?"

"Yeah, back to the Elsa."

"That is home now?"

"It's always been home." Shion said, looking at me weirdly. I can't help it if the android has no common sense, I don't control her. Too bad.....

Here comes chaos.....

I look up at him, trying to force my way to the front. The android keeps pushing me back, but I'm promising myself I'm gonna get to the front. I feel chaos' eyes on me and I make my way through. My eyes flicker between light blue and red going purple on its way there. They stay blue for a minute and I smile and wink before they go back to the evil red. He keeps watching me for a second, then walks away. I know he saw us struggle for control and hopefully he'll know how to help. I'm going to have to find a way to gain control longer.

"KOS-MOS, are you alright?"

"Shion, I am fine."

**chaos POV**

I walk away from KOS-MOS struggling because it hurts me to see it. I know she's trying to control the machine inside her, but how can you win a battle against yourself?

Sometimes, I wonder how I did it.

I look around at the trashed colony we were on. It was really messed up. So messed up none of the Elsa Crew knew what the name of the place was. The people who lived there were in hiding and of course it was our job to find them. We found three people already and we don't know how many more there are left.

MOMO ran by me screaming about how she saw another person, "Look, there's another person. And that gnosis looks like it's about to kill him!" I ran past her as quickly as I could, restraining my powers. I attack the gnosis, "Heaven's Wrath!"

It gave a shrill cry and turned around as the attack hit it in the back. It threw a laser beam at me and I dodged it.

"Chain Blast!" A glowing chain wrapped around it and I strangled the gnosis, killing it. KOS-MOS came up behind me, watching me with her dark red eyes. I smiled at her and grabbed the items that the gnosis left. MOMO went up to the terrified woman and assured her that we were there to help. Shion asked her if she knew were any other people were and gave us the same answer all the others gave us, "In the shelter. You have to get rid of all the gnosis before anyone will come out. I was on my way there, but that gnosis caught me."

"Well can you show it to us?" MOMO asked the woman, who nodded.

"Yes. I'll tell you which way to go."

"Thank you so much! Look, we have others that we've saved; you can stay with them in the middle of the group." MOMO pointed at the man and the little boy that was with us.

"My son!" The woman cried, running to the little boy. She scooped him up in her arms and I watched their happy little reunion. It made me happy to see them like that. Happy that I could help.

"chaos?" Jr asked me quietly. The URTV was looking up at me, wondering what I was thinking.

"Yeah?"

"They look so happy."

"I know." I smiled at him, walking away from the mother and her son.

"chaos, the man says we should go this way." MOMO said, pointing north. I nodded and got in front of her, making sure I was in front of everyone to watch for danger. We walked about 5 feet foreword before we came across another sector. It was obviously the main area because there were little shops and stores all over the place. But most of it was crumbled and on fire. I ran into the first building on the street checking for gnosis. The building was obviously a food store, the freezers were lined up against the wall and gnosis were trying to eat the food, even though it went right through them. Even isle had about 4 or 5 and the farthest isle from the door had a huge gnosis just waiting to kill us.

I went to isle one and began my killing spree, "Artic Blast!" A huge ball of ice rolled down the isle squishing the four that were there and I went to the next isle only to see KOS-MOS loading up her X-Buster and clearing them all away. I watched as three isles were cleared completely of gnosis.

"Good job, KOS-MOS."

"Thank you, chaos."

"I got the next two rows!" MOMO called from the door, waving her wand around. "Meteor Shower!" A portal opened up in the ceiling and several meteors came through, crashing down on two isles of gnosis. When the attack was over only the large gnosis was left.

"Let's go." MOMO said, walking up to the isle. KOS-MOS followed behind her and I watched as the two walked up to the gnosis. I ran in to help them, but I didn't think they'd really need it.

"R-Drill!" KOS-MOS said, using her drill and putting holes in the gnosis. I watched as the gnosis screamed and then attacked MOMO, who was on defense, and was ready for an attack. After it was done with MOMO, I attacked the gnosis with Heaven's Wrath and MOMO followed behind me with her Angel Arrow. The gnosis gave a cry so loud the three of us had to cover our ears. It died in front of us, still crying as it disappeared.

"That was horrible." MOMO said, still holding her ears.

I let mine go and nodded, "My ears are still ringing from it." MOMO giggled and skipped happily out the door where Shion, Jr, and Ziggy were fighting off a gnosis. We watched as they destroyed it and then walked into the next building.

"This way is quicker, isn't it chaos? Having us in two parties and going building, by building."

"Yes, it is."

We walked into what looked like a store and saw a couple behind the counter hiding. There was a gnosis on the other side of the room that seemed to not notice them.

"Are you alright?!" MOMO asked, running to the couple. They nodded and MOMO lead them out to the group, while KOS-MOS and I tried to destroy the gnosis. We took it down easily and checked the building for any others.

"KOS-MOS, can you scan this area and see if there are any gnosis?" I asked her, feeling too lazy to check myself.

"Yes. One moment." The machinery in her eyes began to move and I watched her scan the area. "There is no more gnosis within this facility."

"Thanks KOS-MOS."

"Happy to be of service, chaos." KOS-MOS walked by me, out the door. I sighed and followed after her.

**In the shelter**

It took us three minutes to clear all the gnosis out. KOS-MOS got on top of a statue and used her X-Buster getting rid of them all. The rest of us got in the shelter and realized the colony we were on was trashy because no one could leave the shelter. We had about 550 people on our hands. I praised every god I knew; when they told us they had their own food and clothes. I was sitting against the wall when I got pulled around a corner. Arms wrapped around me and I felt breath on my neck.

"chaos." KOS-MOS said, hugging me from behind. I turned around and out my arms around her. My eyes met blue one and I smiled.

"Which side am I talking to?"

"What color are my eyes?" She asked me with a smirk.

"Blue."

"And which side has blue eyes?"

"The real one. Hi Kos-mos." (I lower cased the name because she's human. Human names are not abbreviations, they are names.)

"Hi. We have 10 minutes this time. All those little glances and looks you've been giving me made her weak, so I was able to knock her out, tie her down and burry her. So hopefully she stays down a little longer this time."

"Maybe."

"Now, I kept my promise. You keep yours." Kos-mos said with a grin.

"But how can I help you?" I asked her, still holding onto her.

"By answering my question. And you may have to answer it everytime you see me, just so she'll stay back longer."

"What is it?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"chaos, I need to know....Are you my friend?"

"Of course."

"Do you like me?"

"Yes."

"Which way?"

"In every way possible."

"Really?" Kos-mos smiled, and hugged me again and I knew the human side would be there longer then we both expected.

"Of course." I smiled at her and I watched her blush again.

"I'm not supposed to be able to do that." She said, putting a hand on one of her cheeks. She knew she was blushing and just pointing it out made her blush even more.

"You should. Since you're human. Right?"

"Yeah, that's true." I held her closer to me, happy beyond belief. Kos-mos leaned her head on my shoulder and sighed loudly.

"You know, this will end in a couple of minutes."

"Yes, but I think I'll forget about that for a little while."

"chaos?"

"Hmmmmmmm....?"

"I love you."

I blinked before what she said sunk into my head. I found my face warming up quickly, and I pulled away from her, "You what?"

It seemed she hadn't realized what she said to me, but she said it again anyway, "I love you, chaos. I don't know what I'd do without you. That's what separates me from her."

"What do you mean?"

"My love for you...It separates me from her. The android. She doesn't love you because she doesn't know what it is. It isn't possible for her."

"I see..."

Kos-mos finally looked up, a worried look on her face,"Oh my gosh! I just realized what I said! Crap..."

"It's ok. I love you too, Kos-mos."

"Really?!"

"Yes." Kos-mos jumped up and hugged me again, nearly knocking me over. She had a huge smile on her face, and she wouldn't stop hugging me. I laughed and then bent down to kiss her, hoping she'd let me.

"What are you doing?" She asked when I leaned foreword.

"Just close you eyes." I whispered and kissed her right then. I know she did as I asked and when she kissed me back, I knew she really did love me. Leaning against the wall, I brought her closer to me, so there was no gap between us. I felt my face warming up and blood rush to my head. After a couple of minutes, Kos-mos pulled away from me.

"Wow chaos." She said her face red with heat. It was surprising how human she was.

I only nodded.

End Chapter 4


	5. Seeing You More Often

Depression

By: Sailorjj07

5. Seeing You More Often

A/n: I'm working on updating all of my fics this month, so you'll all have something to read. My RPG is still up and running if anyone wants to visit.

Disclaimer: I don't own.

**KOS-MOS POV**

For the rest of the day all I could think about was chaos. No one seemed to notice how many times I came to the surface, except chaos. It was the closest to spending a full day on the outside I had ever been. The android kept getting pushed back by my thoughts of the amazing kiss chaos had placed on my lips hours ago.

She's fighting me now, but I don't really care. I know as soon as I start thinking she'll be pushed back.

"KOS-MOS, are you coming?" Shion asked me, from her spot in front of the group. I realized I had stopped walking and was simply staring off into space. I nodded and walked up to her, turning my scanners on.

"Shion, there is a very large gnosis up ahead. It's giving off a lot of energy as well." I said, trying to keep my voice as monotone as possible. Shion gave me a weird look before she changed her facial expression quickly.

"Thank you for warning me ahead of time, KOS-MOS."

"Your welcome, Shion. Would you like me to dispose of it?"

"Don't you think you'll need help?"

"Of course. Shion, I require assistance in this objective." I hoped I sounded as brainy as possible. The last thing I needed was Shion to be suspicious of me.

"I'll help her, Shion." chaos said, coming from behind Ziggy, Jr., and MOMO. He had been in the back in case someone decided to sneak up.

"Ok. Thanks chaos. Anyone else?"

"I'll go, Shion! It's my chance to get stronger." MOMO said, receiving worried looks from both Jr. and Ziggy. They must have heard me tell Shion about the gnosis.

"If anything happens, I'm going to jump in." Jr. replied, spinning his gun on his finger. I'm gonna have to ask him to teach me how to do that one day.

"But then it'll be four against one!" MOMO cried, always trying to fight fair.

"Sometimes you have to use foul play to keep precious things safe, MOMO."

"But..."

"I'm jumping in if it gets out of hand."

"Oh alright." MOMO said, sighing. She gave Jr. a mean look before running up to my side. She looked up at me and grinned. I made sure my face was only facing her before I smiled back and winked. The surprised look on her face made me want to laugh. chaos looked at me and saw the laughter in my eyes and he smiled softly at me. I gave him a smile with my eyes and walked away from the two to spot the gnosis. We walked for about five minutes before we came to what looked like a very large dome. It seemed to be a type of coliseum.

"I forgot this colony had music concerts. They were supposed to be having one....today...." MOMO was looking at the stage and almost screamed at the horrible sight. Of course nothing was worse then seeing someone rip their head off in front of you, but watching a gnosis try to eat a person looks really sick too. Since they can't really eat them and the person just goes straight through them. The gnosis held a person over its head, its mouth wide open, ready to consume them. The person, who was already changing into a half-gnosis, was still screaming. Blood was dripping from the person's head and arm. I grabbed my gun that Shion had recently gave me, and shot a lighting bullet at the gnosis. It immediately dropped whoever it was holding and gave a shrill cry.

"Stop!" MOMO cried at it, taking her rod out. We all ran in on it, ready for attack. As soon as the battle started the three of us went to defense. I had no idea how much or how hard the gnosis would attack and I wasn't about to go through a temporary shut down until someone got me back up. When we pass out some has to bring us back with that dumb potion and I hate that.

"What should we do?"

"I don't know anything about its attacks yet so just be careful. Use as many high attacks as you can." chaos said, waiting for the gnosis to attack. And it didn't leave him disappointed. The sky began to grow dark and a shower of beams came down on us. I managed to dodge most of them and it seemed MOMO was dancing through them like she did it all the time. chaos had his hand out and it looked like he was absorbing the beams. I watched him, but realized I was about to get hit by a beam. I jumped back just in time to see the beam leave an indent in the ground.

"He's trying to kill us!" I cried, receiving a laugh from MOMO and chaos. I grinned at them both and then I attacked him. I punched him then used my S-Sault attack, and followed it through with my R-Dragon. It gave a shriek when I was finished attacking him, but then MOMO ran behind me with Stardust, Twin Stars, and her Dark Scepter. She grinned as she jumped back and my scanners told me the gnosis was losing life and quickly.

"My turn." chaos said, receiving nods from both MOMO and I. He had the strongest attacks out of the three of us and I knew even my X-Cannon wasn't as strong as some of his attacks were. chaos attacked with Tornado Flash, Seraphim Rush, and his Angel Wings. The gnosis seemed to slow down and before it could attack us, we all used ether attacks, one behind the other. I used my Re elemental attack, while MOMO attacked with her Miracle Star and chaos attacked with Lighting Wings. We got the gnosis down in a matter of minutes and MOMO was scooping up items from the remains.

"That was quick." Shion said, looking at the items in MOMO's hands. She took a couple of things from her and placed them in her pocket, and let MOMO have the rest.

"I'm so tired...." Shion said, yawning. I wanted to nod, but knew that would raise suspicions. chaos looked at me and raised an eyebrow, making me want to laugh. He didn't know why I was still there, but he'd find out soon enough.

"Shion, allow me to stay up and watch the Elsa tonight. I can recharge again when we leave this colony. I do not know how many other gnosis are on this colony and I wish everyone to be safe." I tried for the monotone voice again and it seemed I was getting pretty good at it, but the look on not only Shion, but everyone's faces told me otherwise.

"KOS-MOS, permission granted. You're welcome to stay up as long as you'd like."

"Thank you, Shion." She nodded and smiled at me before walking back to the Elsa, with Ziggy and Jr. behind her.

"Are we gonna have a talk later, KOS-MOS?" MOMO asked me, whispering.

"If you'd like to." I answered, winking at her again. She nodded and ran to catch up with the rest of our group.

"Aren't you going, chaos?" I asked him, my eyes twinkling with my laughter again.

"No." He grabbed my hand and took me another direction and I hoped on hope that Shion wouldn't decide to come looking for me.

**At 12:00 Midnight**

"You've been out all day, Kos-mos." chaos said, watching my eyes. It seemed like he was making sure I didn't leave him, but I wasn't planning on it.

"I know and that's what's confusing me. The android hasn't said a word to me all day. Not one word. I know I tied her up and buried her, but she's just as strong as me which means she can get out of there if she chooses. But for some reason, she isn't."

"I don't understand it either." chaos looked up at the starry sky, causing me to look up as well.

"You know what? I've been walking around with blue eyes all day."

"I know."

"OH MY GOSH!! I'VE BEEN WALKING AROUND WITH BLUE EYES ALL DAY!!" I looked at chaos, knowing my panic was written across my face.

If Shion saw my blue eyes, she'd know something was up!

She'd know I wasn't the right one!

She'd try to change them back!

She'd try to kill me!

She'd try to.......mmmmmmmmmmmmmm......warm......honey.....I opened my eyes a little bit to see chaos' face right in front of mine. He had kissed me and I didn't even realize it. He must have seen the worry written all over my face and could only think of one way to calm it. I leaned into him making sure he realized I was kissing him back. And, of course, he did. He pressed his mouth more firmly against mine and when he pulled away, I was left breathless.

"I'm glad I get to see you more often, Kos-mos." He said, leaning in to kiss me again.

End Chapter 5


	6. Having To Hide

Depression

By: Sailorjj07

6. Having To Hide

A/n: I've updated!!

Disclaimer: I do not own!

**chaos POV**

Having the freedom to kiss KOS-MOS whenever I wanted was like fulfilling one of my greatest dreams. I kissed her as much as I could, as often as I could, and whenever I could. It was hard having to sneak around with our relationship and it was just as hard hiding her human side. But I did it. I helped KOS-MOS as much as I could because I knew if her humanity was discovered, our relationship would come to a complete close. As selfish as that sounds, I wasn't about to give up something that had taken me so long to get in the first place.

"chaos? Are you ok?" I turned to look at her, not really seeing.

"chaos?" She said again, and this time I looked at her.

"Hmm?" I answered, with a questioning glance.

"I asked if you were ok." Kos-mos' bright blue eyes drew my attention and I nodded.

"I'm fine."

"Good! I was worried for a second!" Kos-mos giggled and sat back down next to me. Her sky blue hair shimmered in the moonlight when she turned to face me again, "chaos, will you let them take me away if they ever find me?"

"What do you mean, Kos-mos?"

"I mean, if Shion discovers my human side and tries to get rid of it, will you let her?" Curiosity shone in her eyes from the question and then I saw seriousness behind it.

"I won't let her take you from me. I won't let anyone take you from me. **Ever.**" I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me, burying my face in her sky blue hair. The words had slipped out of my mouth before I actually thought about them. I knew I wouldn't like anyone to take Kos-mos from me; not now or ever, but the way the words came out of my mouth and the confidence that I spoke them with...I knew I would have to keep my promise now. I would have to put Kos-mos life before mine. I'd have to put her first above anything and everything else. The more I thought about it, the less it seemed to bother me. I knew I wouldn't mind watching her. I wouldn't have a problem keeping her safe.

"You promise?"

"I promise." Kos-mos smiled widely at me and then kissed me. I was slightly surprised at her boldness, but decided I liked it. Kos-mos was learning quickly and her kisses getting better and better, but I knew I would have to slow her down before I lost control of myself. That wouldn't be good for me or her.

"Kos-mos? chaos? Where are you?" We both heard the voice and pulled away from each other, both of us standing up. I heard a slight noise and saw Kos-mos eyes scanning the area, trying to find out who it was.

"chaos, why are you looking at me like that? You didn't think I could still do this?" Kos-mos eyes were still scanning and calculating, but she talked to me in her human voice.

"No, actually, I didn't." I watched as she nodded and then blinked once, the look on her face gone.

"Just think of me as your regular human android girl." Kos-mos grinned and sat back down under the tree, "It's MOMO and Jr."

"And Jr.? Does that mean-?"

"He knows? Probably. Let's wait and see. WE'RE OVER HERE MOMO!" I covered my ears as Kos-mos yelled. I did not know she could be so loud. She grinned at me and I watched as MOMO and Jr. came around a clump of trees to us.

"chaos? KOS-MOS?! What's going on?!" Jr. cried, looking between the two of us. Kos-mos giggled excitedly, acting completely out of character and scaring Jr. even more. MOMO laughed at the look on his face.

"I came to ask why KOS-MOS is acting like...." MOMO turned and looked at the android, whose face was red from laughing, "That...."

I smiled at MOMO,"It's the human, Kos-mos. She's trying to control her android side and she's doing a pretty good job at it."

"So she's really human?"

"Yes, to a certain extent."

"Does that mean....is she more real than me?" The question caused Jr. to come over by us and stand next to MOMO.

"No. You're more real then her right now because the android in Kos-mos is still there. And soon she's gonna pop up and scare all of us. The android KOS-MOS is probably trying to get to the surface now as we speak."

"No, she's not. I have no clue what she's doing. I haven't heard from her in a while. I'm actually starting to wonder what she's got planned." Kos-mos said, scooting closer to me. She blushed brightly and a held in a laugh. How shy and childlike my Kos-mos was...

"So what are you going to do?" Jr. asked, sitting on the ground. MOMO sat on her knees next to him, waiting eagerly for my answer. I turned to Kos-mos and nodded, telling her that she should explain.

"chaos and I are trying to find a way to get the android out. We don't have any idea where to start, but chaos promises we'll think of something." Kos-mos said, smiling at the two. I knew Jr. and MOMO liked the new Kos-mos already and they probably would want to help.

"Can we help chaos? With me being a realien and all, I could probably find something." MOMO asked shyly.

Jr. nodded," I can help too. I know I can ask Ganigun and with all the resources on the ship, I could probably find something."

Kos-mos grinned and hugged the two, "Thank you so much! I really really appreciate it." When Kos-mos realized what she had done, she sat back down next to me, quietly. I smiled at her and she smiled back, but stayed quiet.

"Kos-mos, do you like it on the outside?" MOMO was surprised by Jr.'s question, but waited for Kos-mos to answer.

"I.......love.......it...." Kos-mos voice went from monotone and back and I knew the android was on her way back.

"Kos-mos?" Jr looked worriedly at me and I knew I had to explain.

"The android." I said, before pressing my mouth against Kos-mos' mouth, hard. I stayed there until she responded knowing I had gotten my Kos-mos back. MOMO giggled when I pulled away from Kos-mos and Jr. just sat there grinning at me. "It's the only way I can bring her back." Jr rolled his eyes, as if to say, 'I'm sure there's more to it then that.'

"Thank you for getting me back. She was trying to get in. She said I had held her back to long and she was trying to contain me. I'm still in control right now, but I don't know how long I'll be this way." I watched her eyes turn purple and then back to blue. MOMO and Jr. watched with interest, but I was more worried than anything else.

"Is this how you fight her?" Jr. asked, continuing to watch her eyes.

"Yes. Remember that world inside my head? The one that Shion sent all of you to? That's where she and I meet and that's where we fight one another. I'm surprised that church isn't in ruins, as many times as I have thrown her into the wall." Kos-mos chuckled at her own joke and I smiled at her. Jr. was grinning and MOMO giggled at the joke too, but then Kos-mos eyes went purple.

"She's fighting me. " And then her eyes went to that ruby red color and KOS-MOS glared at me.

"I must request that you, Jr., and MOMO stay out of our confrontation. That human is in my control. Now, I must take my leave of you."

"You don't control her!" Jr. cried, getting angry at the way KOS-MOS spoke about her human half. KOS-MOS simply continued to walk away from us. I watched her walk away from me, my heart aching and my soul hurting. MOMO just watched her walk away, her eyes calculating.

"We've got to help her." MOMO said, staring in the direction KOS-MOS just went.

Jr. and I nodded in agreement.

**The Next Morning**

In the morning, KOS-MOS cam looking for me. I had been working on my AGWS unit, when she came. She said Shion wanted everyone on the bridge for a meeting.

"Tell them I'm on my way." When KOS-MOS nodded and left, I closed up my lap top computer and locked my AGWS up. I walked slowly through the halls, taking my time to get to the elevator and then taking my time to the bridge. I didn't know what the meeting was about, but I was in no rush to get there. When I did get there, it seemed everyone was waiting on me.

"Thanks for taking your time, chaos." Tony said, rolling his eyes.

"Your welcome." I answered, with a smirk. Everyone in the room held back laughs and then Shion cleared her throat.

"Everyone, I have an announcement to make. I'm going to make some upgrades on KOS-MOS, but I need some colors. This may not seem important, but her new look will depend on all of you." Shion said, with a smile.

"Her new look?" MOMO asked, curiously.

"We'll be buying KOS-MOS clothes soon, because I'm changing her armor."

"How?"

"The KOS-MOS you see now has armor everywhere, but I forgot that Kevin and I gave her skin under it. So, I'm gonna see if I can remove it all and fix it to where she can use an ether drive to change into it. And with her new ether drive, she can change into different types of armor that have different effects. For example, she can have a black and red armor that adds fire to all of her attacks and makes them all fire based."

"That sounds cool." Jr. said, grinning at me. He knew I thought the same thing. That would be a good idea.

"But now, we have to stop in a port city for clothes. I refuse to have KOS-MOS walking around with nothing on." Shion said, receiving nods from everyone. I don't think I'd mind very much, but then again that would mean Tony and the rest of the crew would see her too. No a good idea for me.

"Why don't we go to the Kukai Foundation?" Jr. suggested knowing they had lots stores there.

"I have a better idea." MOMO said, grinning at Jr.,"Why don't we go to that one planet? You know the one with the numbers. They have lots of fashionable cute clothes there."

"Planet 91289?" Allen asked, knowing what she was talking about.

"Yeah that one! They have lots of stuff there and we can all get something!" MOMO cried, excitedly.

"I like the idea." Shion said, seeing if the Captain would nod. He did.

"Set the coordinates for Planet 91289!" Shion said, excitedly. Then she left the room saying something about working on KOS-MOS new armor. I sighed and walked back to the room I shared with Jr. and turned to find him walking behind me.

"You miss her, don't you?" Jr. asked me, with a sad expression on his face. I nodded, and sighed again.

"How'd you get her to love you so quickly?" I looked at Jr.'s face then. It was really thoughtful and I knew he was thinking of MOMO.

"She told me first. She said it was how I could keep her on the surface. I just answered her and made her happy."

"So that means I should wait?" Jr. asked, still not look at me.

"No. You should tell MOMO how you feel."

"How'd you-"

"It's obvious to everyone, but you and her." Jr. sighed and thanked me, walking away from me. I nodded and went to our room, plopping down on my bed. I sighed again realizing how much I missed my Kos-mos.

"I hate hiding this."

End Chapter 6


	7. One Word: Shopping!

Depression

By: Sailorjj07

7. One Word....Shopping!

A/n: HELLO EVERYBODY!!

Disclaimer: I do not own!

**KOS-MOS POV**

I was so happy that I could go shopping! I knew I was going to have to surprise Shion with my choice on clothes and I was not going to let anyone tell me otherwise what I was going to get. My clothes would be something I picked out. No one else. Except for maybe chaos of course.

"Kos-mos, time to get up...I'm finished." I opened my eyes the next morning, to see Shion smiling down at me. "Your change is complete." I felt the cold of the metal on my back. I was surprised at the feel of it. I guess Shion had installed nerves in me as well. Or made the ones I had better.

"Is she ok?" Allen asked, behind her. His eyes were closed and he was facing away from me.

"I think so...KOS-MOS? Are you alright?" Shion was looking only at my face and I started to wonder what I was wearing. I didn't remember if I ever had any clothes under my armor, but I wasn't sure.

"I'm fine, Shion." My voice had a gentle tone and her eyes widened.

"KOS-MOS?"

"Shion, I am fine."

"Ok, KOS-MOS. I'm going to let you borrow some clothes before we buy your own." Shion said, handing me a large blanket. I wrapped it around me and watched as she pushed Allen out of the room.

"I'll be back in a second, okay?"

I nodded and watched her leave. The change in me was amazing. I could feel the cold; I could feel the softness of the blanket. I pinched myself and giggled when I felt the pain. It was a really dull pain, but it excited me. The last time I was pinched I hadn't even noticed it. I was extremely happy and the android wasn't control me for the time being. I sighed though, because I knew she and I would have to fight soon.

"Remove yourself from our mind at once." The android said, inside our mind. I sighed again; I knew she would do that.

"How about we make a compromise?" I said, making our mind go to the church once again. I sat on the bottom step and watched as she leaned against a tree about 15 feet from me.

"What is your proposal, human?"

"How about you let me control us on the outside, just for today. We need clothes and I want to surprise Shion by actually picking out something we like, instead of letting her pick for us. I promise I won't try anything, I just want us to look good."

"And you'll stay away from chaos?"

"If that's what you want, yes. **But **if he comes to me, I have no control over it. And I won't stay away from him entirely either. I want to know what he thinks looks good on us. Other than that, I won't touch him unless he touches me first."

"What about you?"

"What about me? I'll be on the surface, but I won't do or say anything to bother you. All you have to do is sit and watch what's going on. You don't even have to lift a finger."

"Affirmative. Human, you have your deal."

"Thank you, KOS-MOS." I said, smiling at her. She walked away, not saying a word. When I opened my eyes, chaos was standing in front of me, staring at my face. I blinked, wondering how he had gotten into the room.

"I was wondering when you'd realize I was here. You and the android going at it again?" He said, smiling softly at me. He pulled a corner of the blanket back up on my shoulder, touching my bare skin in the process.

"No, actually we were making a compromise." I answered, blushing brightly at the touch.

"A compromise?"

"Yep. I convinced her to let me control the outside, just for today. Tomorrow, we'll go back to our usual fighting and bickering." I pulled the blanket tighter around me and made sure nothing was peeking out.

"Kos-mos, let me see." chaos grinned at me and I blushed brighter.

"L-let you see....Let you see what?" I knew what he was talking about, but I was not going to let him know that, now was I?

"You." The one word made my face heat up quickly and I pulled the blanket tighter around me, thinking he'd leave me alone.

"Kos-mos..." Guess I was wrong. I sighed and untucked my ankle, turning it so he could see the entire thing.

"That's all you get, chaos. No more." I said, rolling my eyes.

He laughed, "I didn't want to see anything more. I just wanted to know what your skin looked like cause the next time I see it, it'll be dark. But I'll get to touch it then too..." He finished his sentence with a seductive glint in his eyes and I giggled.

"I'm gonna go now. I'll see you later, right?" chaos asked, kissing me softly.

"Yup!" I grinned and he nodded leaving the room. When he left I laid back down in my "bed", blushing brightly and sighing loudly. I was happy beyond relief and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.

"KOS-MOS? You alright?" Shion called from the other side of the door. It opened slowly and she stepped in with two hangers and a pair of shoes in her hand.

"I'm fine, Shion. Thank you." I knew I had slipped, but for some reason, I didn't think Shion would mind much. Shion looked startled, but after a few seconds she smiled wider.

"Your very welcome, KOS-MOS." She put the shoes down next to my "bed". They were long black boots and I liked them as soon as I saw them. Shion had black stockings in her hands and she handed them to me. Then she unzipped one of the boots and pulled out some under clothes.

"Your going to put these on first," Shion said, handing me the under clothes, "Then the stockings, the skirt and the shirt, and finally the boots." The skirt was blue jean and it was medium length. The shirt that Shion had given me was black as well, but it was just a regular T-shirt.

"Ok." I smiled at her, making another gasp come from her and then walked into the bathroom down the hall. I put the clothes on in the order Shion had instructed and hoped it was right.

When I came out of the bathroom Shion had a huge smile on her face,"KOS-MOS that looks wonderful on you! Although I didn't know your chest was bigger than mine." She giggled and I laughed softly with her. I knew I was slipping up big time, but I didn't seem to care. And neither did Shion.

"KOS-MOS, what changed? What's making you act so....so human?"

I winked at her, "I'll explain that to you after we're done shopping today."

"Ok. But I want you to know I'm glad you're acting so much more human! It makes me very happy to see you like this." Shion smiled widely and walked out of the room, humming softly as she went.

"I'm going to take a nap, so if you need me I'll be in my room!" Shion yelled to me over her shoulder.

**Two Hours Later**

"We'll be reaching the docking port of colony 91289 in about thirty minutes." Came the captain's voice over the intercom. I smiled and turned over to wake up chaos. He had been sleeping so quietly when I had walked in his room about an hour ago, so I had decided to just lie next to him and wake him up when the time came for him to get up. Jr. had come in about thirty minutes ago and had been very surprised to see me, but after awhile he didn't seem to mind and had gone to sleep as well.

"How long have you been in here, Kos-mos?" MOMO asked, walking in through the door. She smiled at me and went over to Jr.'s bed, where she sat down softly and watched the ruby red head sleep.

"About an hour. I was going to wake him up, but I decided not to. Is that why you here?"

"Uh-huh. I was gonna wake Jr. up, but since we have thirty minutes left, I'll wake him up in twenty minutes. Until then I can watch him." MOMO gave a quiet giggle, blushing brightly at what she was doing.

"How many times have you done this?" I asked her talking as quietly as I could.

"Alot. Jr. doesn't know it, of course, but I just love watching him sleep."

"When are you going to tell him, MOMO?"

"Tell him what?"

"That you love him."

MOMO blushed and looked down at Jr.'s sleeping face, "I don't know when I'll tell him, Kos-mos. Everytime I think I have the courage to tell him, I think about wither he'll reject me or not and then I'm afraid."

"Then don't think."

"What?"

"Don't think about anything, but that love you feel for him. Don't think of wither or not he'll reject you; don't think about what your going to say or how your gonna say it. Just do it. Tell him how you feel and if he doesn't like it, oh well. Try again another time. He'll come to love you, if he doesn't already. But I know he does. I can see it in his eyes everytime he looks at you, MOMO." I smiled at the surprised look on her face. I guess she didn't expect something like that out of me. Heck, I didn't even know I would say that.

"You know what, KOS-MOS? Your right. I'm gonna take you advice." MOMO smiled at me and I smiled back.

"I'm very glad." I stroked chaos' hair softly with my hand, reveling in the feeling of his silver hair. It was soft and smooth and silky and everything I thought it would be. I knew I had just fallen in love with chaos hair as well as the rest of him. He gave a sigh in his sleep and moved closer to me, his hand falling to rest on my leg closest to him. I began to doubt if chaos was really asleep then, because I don't really think anyone does stuff like that in their sleep. But, hey, I didn't know anything about what people did when they slept so he really could still be asleep.

"Twenty minutes till we dock." The captain sounded bored out of his mind over the intercom, but I was about to burst from excitement.

"Time to wake these two lazy boys up." MOMO said, grinning at me. She leaned really close to Jr.'s ear and then took a deep breath. "JR!!" She yelled in his ear, giggling as he jumped up.

"WHAT THE HELL?! MOMO, WHY DID YOU-?," Jr. cried, looking like he was about to pee on himself or kill someone," Oh, hi MOMO." Jr. said, with a bright blush as he realized who it was that had woken him up.

"Good afternoon, Rubedo." MOMO said, with a grin. Jr. rolled his eyes and sighed; MOMO knew he hated that name.

"Good afternoon, MOMO. What's going on?" Jr. yanked the girl from over him and hugged her tightly. Then after several minutes he let her go, smirking at her bright blush.

"N-nothing. We're landing at the colony in twenty minutes." MOMO said, watching Jr. stretch and get out of his bed. He went to a drawer and pulled out a dark red shirt and then went a closet and got some blue jeans. MOMO walked with him to the bathroom door, wondering what he was doing, exactly.

"Ok, I'll see you in ten." Then he pecked her on the lips, smirking. When he pulled away and saw her blush, his smirk got larger and he shut the door. We heard the shower come on and then I turned to see MOMO standing at the door for about two minutes before walking slowly out of the room. I grinned and turned to chaos....who was still sleeping. I groaned and rolled my eyes. What kind of sleeper was chaos exactly?

"chaos, get up. It's time to get ready to go." I said, loudly, hoping he would wake up by that.

"..." Obviously, it hadn't worked.

"Hmmmmmmm.........." I sat on the bed wondering what to do when an idea came to me. Grinning at my wonderful plan, I leaned over chaos and kissed him fully and as hard as I could. I knew that would wake him up if nothing else did. I grinned when his arms came around my waist.

"Hey." chaos said, opening his eyes and smiling at me with a lazy grin.

"Hi! It's time for you to get up! We're about to land at the colony!"

"Your excited." chaos said, sitting up. He ran a hand through his hair and yawned.

"Uh-huh! I've never been shopping before!" I smiled, and then lowered my voice, "chaos, I'm going to tell Shion."

"I knew you would. We really can't do much without her help."

"I agree. Plus I think she likes me!"

"She likes the android half, so she has to like you." chaos said, yawning again. I got off his bed and knew he noticed my new outfit. "Kos-mos, you look really cute."

"Only cute?"

"No, cute and beautiful. Although it's a little tight at the top, don't you think?" chaos smirked at my red blush and then laughed at the glare I gave him.

"Quit looking at my chest!"

"Can't help it."

"...Whatever." I said, still glaring at him. He grinned and got up also, then came and put his arms around me.

"Kos-mos, I love you."

"I know. I love you too. But you still need to quit looking at my chest!" I said, pulling away from him giggling.

"Can't help it!" He said, poking me at the rise of my chest and laughing. I glared at him and then burst into laughter.

"Oh whatever. Go get ready so we can leave." I said, walking out of their room.

**Twenty Minutes Later**

"Let's go!" MOMO cried, walking out the door first. I followed behind her with chaos and Jr. behind us. chaos had on some khaki cargo pants and a dark blue T-shirt. Shion and Allen were behind them and Ziggy was behind them. The crew decided they weren't gonna come, but they gave us their sizes in case we found something that would look good for them.

"Ok, why don't we all just stay together? I'm sure the boys won't mind going into women's clothing stores, and I'm sure we won't mind going into men's clothing stores; although I'm afraid you boys don't look like shoppers." Shion said, smiling brightly. She knew that Jr. and chaos would be a couple of things, but she doubted Ziggy would.

"That's cool with me." Jr. said, nodding.

"Ok." chaos replied, looking at the street filled with shops. On the street over were more shops and the street next to that, even more. The colony was truly a shopping place.

"Wow! Look at all the stores! I wanna go to all of them!!" MOMO said, starting toward the closest store. It had white writing on the window and it obviously had clothes for both genders. I followed behind her and everyone else followed suite.

"Hi! Can I help you with anything?" A brown haired woman asked. She had on a baby blue shirt with a very short white skirt. I lifted an eyebrow in Shion's direction and she giggled quietly.

"No, thank you." MOMO said, walking away. She went to a rack full of dresses and started to go through them. She had on an ankle length blue jean skirt and a ruby red shirt with orange writing. Her boots were like mine with flatter heels.

"I like this one and this one...and ooohh!! I like this one too!" She had hangers draped across her arm and then she went to a rack with pants.

"I guess we should start looking too KOS-MOS. Come on." I nodded and followed her to a rack with shirts. I looked at them all and decided I would get some of everything. I watched MOMO and then did what she did. I took all the shirts I like off the rack and then went to the pants and started putting them together. Shion grinned at me and did what I did and before we knew it we had a bunch of clothes in our hands.

"Now, we need to go try all of these on." Shion said, and she asked the woman that had welcomed us for dressing rooms.

"We'll you can only have six items at once, so just put the rest her on this rack and you can change them out as you go." She said, opening up three rooms for us. MOMO gave a squeal as soon as she had her first outfit on.

"Come out and look!" She cried, turning in front of the three mirrors around her. They were lined up in a corner and showed her what she looked like from all sides. I came out of my dressing room with one of my outfits on and smiled at MOMO.

"I like it. It looks very pretty on you." I said, watching her turn and look at herself somemore. The outfit was black pants with an orange shirt. The pants were flares and had some orange writing up one leg. The shirt was sleeveless with ties up the middle. (The ties are only there for decoration, nasty people!)

"I think you look very cute." Shion told her from behind me. She had tried on a dark blue dress that went to her knees. It had a round neckline and it was sleeveless as well. It had slits on the sides.

"I think you dress is beautiful, Shion!" MOMO said, moving away from the mirror. Then she looked at me,"Kos-mos, that looks really really good on you." I had decided to try on a pair of silver flares and a white sleeveless shirt. My shirt was like MOMO's with silver ties up the middle.

"I think so too." Shion added, smiling at me. I walked up to the mirror and looked at myself, surprised at my reflection. That was the first time I had ever looked in a mirror. I was surprised by what I saw.

"I like it." chaos told us, walking over to where we were. He watched me from where he was standing next to Shion with a big grin on his face. I blushed and went back into my dressing room.

"Oh my, that looks very nice on you!" The saleswoman said, smiling widely at me.

**Twenty minutes later**

"Ok, I'm tired of being here!" Jr. cried, walking toward the door. MOMO was still trying to try on more clothes, but decided against it. We all walked out with two large bags in our hands.

"Wow. You really know how to shop, KOS-MOS. I'm surprised." Shion said, handing her two bags to Allen, who carried them willingly.

"Why?"

"Because this is your first time shopping and yet your really good at it."

"Oh. Well I'm not a learning android for any reason, right?"

"Kos-mos, you're not a learning android. I am." MOMO said, laughing. Shion nodded and burst into laughter. I smiled at them both, laughing as well.

"Oppsy. I forgot." I laughed as we walked into another store. There were shoes all over the place and Shion gave a cry of delight.

"I love shoes!" She said, walked away from us almost immediately, going down an isle of tennis shoes. I went towards the boots and high heels with MOMO walking behind me.

"Allen, I feel really sorry for you." I heard Ziggy say when I walked away from them. chaos and Jr. burst into laughter at his comment, feeling the exact same way. Then they all went off to look around together.

"Kos-mos, I think these would look nice." MOMO handed a box of black boots to me. When I tried them on, I decided I liked them right away. They went to my knee and had high heels.

"I like them." I said, tapping my foot on the floor. I grinned and put the shoe I had tried on, back in the box, seeing a brown pair that looked nice. Shion came over from where she had been with five boxes in her arms one on top of the other.

"Look, I don't think KOS-MOS has a taste for tennis shoes, but I think you should have at least a pair. And I brought these over for MOMO." She took the top two boxes off her pile and handed them to us. The shoes she gave me were white and silver. I actually liked them enough to want to get them.

"These are sooo cute!" MOMO cried, grinning as she showed me the white and orange shoes Shion had picked out for her.

"I knew you'd like them. Ok, I'm gonna go look for some more shoes. You two coming?"

"Me and MOMO are gonna go look for some shoes for her." I said, piling up my three boxes and walking with MOMO behind me. We only stayed in the store for about fifteen minutes before the boys got tired of being in there. They had all bought a pair of shoes each, whereas Shion bought ten pairs. I felt bad for Allen when we left.

"Maybe we should go take these back to the Elsa and then come back." Allen said, trying to carry three shoe large shoe bags on one arm and two large clothing bags on the other.

"Do I have to do everything?" I said, under my breath, taking the three shoe bags from him. chaos tried to muffle his laughter, but Jr. couldn't and burst into laughter at Allen's expense. Ziggy just shook his head and smirked, following us into another clothing store. When we walked in, we saw three sales people gathered together around a lady in front of the mirror.

"You guys have no sense in how a woman's supposed to look! I need somemore help!" She turned and saw us, smiling widely. She walked up to us and scanned our group. Her eyes rested on Ziggy and MOMO started to giggle.

"I'm Sazuka. Can you help me please? I need a guy's opinion and you look close to my age." Sazuka had short brown hair with blonde streaks and bright blue-green eyes.

"How old are you exactly?" Came Ziggy's quiet reply. Sazuka's eyes lit up and she her smile turned into a grin.

"I'm 28. Close to you?"

"Your two years younger. But I guess I'll help." Ziggy said, with a sigh. MOMO grinned at him and the rest of us started to snicker at the look on his face. Since Ziggy's been with us he started being nicer to us and other people. It seemed we had made him like people a little better.

"Ziggy's thirty? Wow...Didn't know that." Allen said, quietly. Ziggy turned and glared at him, then walked away with Sazuka.

"I think we're going to start seeing Sazuka a little more often. Anyone else see how quickly Ziggy gave in?" Shion whispered, hoping Ziggy didn't hear her. It must've been her lucky day because he didn't seem to.

"His body temperature went up by ten degrees when Sazuka spoke to him." I said, receiving weird looks from everyone, but chaos.

"You can still receive data?" Shion asked, looking very surprised.

"Yes, why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know." Shion said, smiling at me and walking off to a rack. The entire group split up to look at various things when I heard an overly high pitched voice.

"Sir, can I help you?" A girl with a very very short black leather skirt and a very low cut white shirt asked chaos. I glanced at the girl and turned back around, hoping he didn't answer her at all.

"No, thanks." chaos replied, walking away. I smirked and went on with what I was doing. Then her annoyingly high pitched voice rang out again.

"What about you, sir? Need any help?" She had gone to Jr. since chaos didn't want any "help". I doubt that's what she wanted anyway.

"Nope." Jr. went back to what he was looking at; trying to decide on what color sweater he wanted.

"Where is MOMO?" I asked myself, looking up. The girl's eyes met mine and she glared rudely at me before turning away to do something.

"Kos-mos, you ok?" Shion came over to me, with a worried look on her face. She must've seen the girl glare at me and saw me glare back.

"That girl in leather is annoying me." I said, quietly to Shion.

She nodded, "If I hear her stupid high pitched voice again, I swear I'm gonna scream."

"I think that color would look better on you than the other one." Came that same annoying voice. I rolled my eyes and tried to get back to what I was doing. Her voice just kept going on and on about something stupid, when I decided to look up and see who she was talking to. My eyes narrowed when I saw that she was talking to chaos. **My** chaos. I took a very deep breath, knowing I did not want to blow up the entire street over some very stupid girl. I wasn't gonna do it.

"And if you put these two colors together, I think they'd go wonderful with those very handsome green eyes of yours."

Deep breath, Kos-mos. Deep breath.

"And your hair! It matches perfectly. The color of your hair is like the most beautiful I've ever seen! It's not dyed, is it?"

Think happy thoughts and take a very very deep breath. There you go...

"Kos-mos don't let her get to you." MOMO had come over from the other side of the room, and she could tell I was ready to kill the girl with the annoyingly high pitched voice.

"I'm trying, MOMO. I'm trying."

"Go ahead and kill her Kos-mos, it'll be fun to watch." Jr. had come over as well, looking annoyed as well.

"Jr.!" MOMO pinched him and grinned when he yelped.

"Hey, that hurt!"

"It was supposed to." She grinned at him and the two walked away to help him decide on what color sweater for him to get.

"I advise those pants. They'll make you look sexier than you already do."

THAT'S IT! I'M GONNA KILL HER!!

I threw the hanger I had in my hand back on the rack and walked over to where the two were. If looks could kill, the girl would've been dead twenty times over because as I walked over to them, I had the look of a murderer on my face.

"chaos, you know I don't like sluts near my boyfriend," I said in mock sweetness, "Come help me find an outfit." I dragged him to the other side of the store, away from the idiotic girl with the annoyingly high pitched voice. Jr. smirked at me and MOMO giggled, while Shion looked like she was about to die of laughter. Even Ziggy and Sazuka had heard me and Sazuka burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"Your mother had told you to quit hitting on boys when you were at work, Ann. That's what you get." Sazuka said when she had recovered from her laughing fit. The girl looked mortified and went into the back of the store.

"Kos-mos, that wasn't very nice." chaos said, grinning at me.

"I don't care very much."

"I know you don't."

"Well then, help me find something so I can get out of this stupid store. I feel like blowing it up."

End Chapter 7


	8. Sazuka

Depression

By: Sailorjj07

8. Sazuka

A/n: Okay, my last chapter was a little too much fun for the Xenosaga crew but I had lots of fun writing it. Problem is...Xenosaga is just a little too serious sometimes. I think they should loosen up a little. Anyway, this chappy will be a little bit more serious!

Disclaimer: I don't own!

**chaos' POV**

After Kos-mos bought a shirt from another woman at the register, we left the store with Sazuka now in our group. Sazuka was a pleasant enough woman, and really funny. The stories she told us while walked into different stores were interesting and it seemed Kos-mos was observing her and learning everything she had to tell us.

"So you used to be a fighter?" Jr. asked her, surprised that the innocent looking woman had taken almost as many lives as he and Kos-mos had put together.

"Used to be? The only reason why I'm here is to find and destroy someone. I just happen to have extra time to be able to go shopping. And since you looked like an interesting group, I decided I'm going to stay with you guys."

"Your here on a mission and you're telling us?" Jr. eyes were alarmed and I knew why. Most spies and assassins were not allowed to reveal what their missions were. So why was she telling us?

Kos-mos saw the look in my eyes and nodded; almost surprising me at how well she could understand me. I never knew I could be so connected to someone in my life. It was almost as if she could read my mind and I, hers.

"Shion, can I...Am I able to eat?" Kos-mos asked, quietly. I watched as Shion nodded and smiled.

"Another new feature I installed. You are now able to taste food. Cool, isn't it?" Shion grinned at Kos-mos, whose eyes were shining in her happiness. I smiled to myself as I watched her eyes light up.

"Thank you, Shion!" Kos-mos said, smiling widely. Shion only nodded and we all walked into the nearest restaurant.

**Thirty Minutes Later**

"I'm stuffed!" Shion cried, patting her stomach. I laughed at her and nodded, being very full myself. Of course, it wouldn't show on me, my metabolism is so high it doesn't even look like I eat in the first place. But that's just something that comes with being what I am. I turned and looked at Kos-mos, who was watching Shion and coping her. She yawned exactly like Shion did, and then patted her stomach. I covered my mouth when she turned and looked at me, noticing how I was watching her.

"chaos, what are you doing?" She asked me, with a sly look. I think she knew I was laughing at her, but I wasn't sure and I wasn't going to let her find out either way.

"Kos-mos, what are you talking about?" I answered, covering up my laugh with a fake cough. She lifted an eyebrow at me the burst into a wide smile.

"Well you two are so obvious there is no way you can deny it." I looked up at Sazuka to find her and the rest of our group staring intently at Kos-mos and I. A small red tint appeared on Kos-mos cheeks, but I just sat there and smiled at Sazuka.

"How long have you two been together?"

"Does it really matter?" I smiled at Sazuka with completely calm eyes, knowing she'd probably ask me another question.

"Do you always do that?"

"Do what?" Kos-mos looked at me and covered her mouth, but I could practically see her smile.

"Answer questions with a question."

"Yes. It's really hard to get information out of him. Trust me from experience, it's a waste of time." Jr. answered for me, a look of frustration on his face. And he was right actually. He always tries to get answers for his problems for me, but I never give him straight answers. Why do I do that, you ask?

Cause it's fun.

And it makes the person questioning me think on their own.

"I see." Sazuka had a calculating look on her face when I looked up, but it was gone in an instant. I lifted an eyebrow and observed her quietly as she started talking to Ziggy. Why was she looking so suspicious all of the sudden? I shrugged the feeling a felt off, but I decided to keep an eye on her. Just in case.

"So what do you see we get out off here and go shop somemore? Kos-mos doesn't have an entire wardrobe and I hear the next planet we're assigned to is very cold." Shion said, standing up. We had already paid the bill, so when Shion stood so did the rest of us.

"Yeah, let's go." MOMO said, smiling at Shion. She looked happy about the fact that we were starting to shop again. Shion led the group outside of the restaurant we were in and then started walking toward a store with snowflakes on the window. The store was simply called "Snow" and it looked like a pretty nice place. I held the door open for the girls, but let Jr. hold his own door. He rolled his eyes at me and I just grinned.

"So what can I help you with?" A man in a big brown jacket came up to us. He had on snow boots and ski goggles with a nametag pinned on his coat. The store was freezing when we walked in, but as we began to walk further in, and went by the racks full of winter clothes, it got warmer.

"We just wanted to look." Shion said, with a smile and our group separated. I went in the direction of the longest coats I could find and began searching for a blue, orange, or green one. They had turtlenecks and a lot of sweaters.

"You want a trench coat? I'm surprised. You don't look like the type." Jr. said, coming up behind me. He was looking only at brown coats and I never asked him why.

"Why don't I look like the type? You were a trench coat all the time." I replied, taking a blue trench coat off the rack hanging on the wall. It was way to bright though, so I put it back and moved further down the wall.

"But that's me. Not you. You, chaos, look like the type who'd rather go without any type of protection against the elements." Jr. smirked at me and yanked a thick brown trench coat off the rack. He went to the mirror and tried it on, then with a smirk of satisfaction, went to get a turtleneck. I shook my head at him and decided on a burnt orange trench coat. When I tried it on, I nodded at my reflection in the mirror. The coat fit me nicely and I was starting to think like Shion when it came to buying clothes. I took the jacket off quickly, to keep anymore shopping ideas from running through my mind. I put it back on its hanger and draped it over my arm and followed Jr. to the turtlenecks. I found a nice, warm looking black one and a dark blue one made of the same material. I then went to go see what Kos-mos was up to. I smiled when I saw her in the mirror with a white bubble jacket that stopped at her waist. The hood had a mixture of brown and light brown fur around the edges and she was poking it gently for some reason. She had on a bright blue turtleneck underneath the coat. And she looked absolutely wonderful.

"chaos, does this look really bad?" Kos-mos asked, turning to let me see all of her in the clothes. I grinned and wrapped my arms around her waist. Sazuka walked by us and grinned, continuing on to another rack of coats.

"You look beautiful, Kos-mos."

Kos-mos leaned back against me and smiled in the mirror, "You think so?"

I nodded and let her go, watching as she took the jacket off. She smirked at me and went put the jacket back on the hanger. "Well then I guess I'll get it. I want all of your attention."

"You had all of my attention already, Kos-mos."

"Well now I'll know for sure." She grinned at me and I smiled back, but I noticed the way Sazuka was watching us out of the corner of her eye. The calculating look crossed her face again and I knew something was up. But just as I was about to ask Sazuka a question, Shion ran over to us, asking if we were ready to leave.

"It's already 5:00 and this store is freezing me to death?" Shion cried, her teeth shivering. I was about to comment on how she was wearing only a dress and that was why she was cold, but I wasn't sure how Kos-mos would take it, so I said nothing.

"Yeah, let's go." Kos-mos said, walking to the register with our things. She paid for my stuff and hers, and after everyone else paid for their things, we left the freezing cold store.

**An Hour Later**

"I'm afraid we have to part ways now." Sazuka told us, as we walked out of a weapons store at the end of the street. We all nodded, since we had to go back to the Elsa.

"It was nice spending the day with you." Shion said, with a smile.

"And it was nice spending the day with this whole group! Especially, you, Ziggy." Sazuka stepped up to the older man and kissed his cheek, with the rest of us staring wide-eyed. He took the small token of appreciation with a stiff solider like face, but the rest of us knew otherwise. Ziggy truly had made a friend that day and the rest of us were proud of him. I could tell by the way MOMO was beaming that she agreed with me.

"See you guys when I see you?" Sazuka said, waving at us as she walked away. She walked across the street and waved one final time, and then as a bus passed by, she disappeared.

"Well that's a neat little trick." Jr. said, grinning at MOMO, who nodded back. She was skipping happily between Ziggy and Jr., who both appeared to be deep in thought. I decided I wasn't going to bother them and turned to find Kos-mos staring shyly at me.

"Kos-mos?" She grinned at me and then turned her head swiftly away, blushing slightly. I love it when she blushes. It's so cute!

"chaos, why did Sazuka kiss Ziggy like that? Does that mean they are together, like us?" Kos-mos asked, whispering. She leaned closer to me, so I could hear her and so she could hear my answer.

"That doesn't mean they are together. That was just Sazuka's way of telling Ziggy, thank you." I answered, leaning closer to her as well. Her hand reached out for mine and I tried to hold back my surprised, as she squeezed my hand tightly.

"So if I do it?"

"Then it'd be different."

"Why?"

"Because we are together."

"Oh... Do you think she and Ziggy will be together later?" Kos-mos looked up at me, with her bright blue eyes and I smiled.

"Maybe. You never know." Kos-mos nodded, then looked in front of us, where the Elsa was waiting.

**That Night**

Jr. and I had stayed up working on our A.G.W.S. until twelve. Jr. hopped out of the cockpit of his A.G.W.S. and yawned loudly.

"I'm gonna go to bed. See you in the room, chaos." Jr. waved, and got on the lift, leaving me to my business in the hangar. I watched him go, and then went back to my work. After installing a few new weapons and components, I began to hear strange noises coming from the direction of the bridge.

"What the-?" I looked out of my cockpit only to find Kos-mos, walking around the hangar. Instead of her usual white, silver, and blue armor, she sported a black and navy blue copy of it.

"chaos? Are you in here?" She asked, turning toward my A.G.W.S.

"Yes. What's going on?" I jumped out of the cockpit and down to Kos-mos, happy to see her familiar blue eyes.

"Well, I only have a few more minutes on the surface, and I wanted to come see you. But I am afraid we have an intruder on the Elsa." Kos-mos eyes scanned the room and she gave a sigh of relief. I guess no one else was in the hangar.

"Do you know who is it?"

"I think so, but I think something may be wrong with my scanners."

"Who is it then?"

Kos-mos turned and looked me in my eyes, not wavering. "My sensors say its Sazuka."

"Are you sure?"

Kos-mos nodded sadly and began to press buttons on her arm, "Yes. That's why I think something maybe wrong with my sensors. Sazuka wouldn't attack us, but one of the engines is already damaged. That's how I found her out."

"Does that mean?"

"She's on her way here? Yes. That's another reason why I came to see you. I didn't want her to attack you, when you didn't know it." Kos-mos said softly, her bright blue eyes shining. I decided right then and there I couldn't contain myself any longer and pulled her gently into my arms, crashing my lips down on hers. I felt her smile beneath my mouth, and I mentally smiled as well.

"Well how cute is this? I find the android and her lover all wrapped up and I'm here to kill her." I released Kos-mos immediately and turned to see Sazuka smirking widely at me.

"So my sensors weren't wrong." Kos-mos said, aiming her gun at Sazuka.

"No, dear, they weren't. You are the most advanced weapon in the universe, there is no way your sensors could be wrong." Sazuka played with the dagger in her hand and I watched as it began to glow a dark red color.

"Why?" I asked, trying to bide my time. I knew if I attacked her in the hangar, I might end up destroying something. We had to lure her out and to the engine room. I looked at Kos-mos and she nodded understanding my plan.

"That's the best action to take." Kos-mos mouthed to me then turned and shot at Sazuka's feet. It was some type of smoke bomb because as soon as the smoke cleared, Kos-mos and I were running toward the engine room, with Sazuka, hot on our trail.

"We should take her out of here." Kos-mos said to me, while running toward the engine room.

"How do we do that?"

"We make an exit!" Kos-mos answered, grinning at me.

"What? The Captain will kill us!" I gaped at her, but knew she wasn't kidding, "But what about the others?"

"I woke Shion up on my way out. When she and everyone else hears the explosion she'll know."

"And if they don't know where to go?"

"Don't worry, they'll get the message." Kos-mos then stopped running and fired her R-Cannon at the wall. It exploded with a large blast and then she proceeded to turn the blast into some type of laser and wrote on the wall beside the whole. "Distract her!"

I nodded, and spun around, waiting for Sazuka to show up. And when she did I was very surprised. She ran at us with amazing speed and I barley had time to attack her.

"Ice Wings!" I yelled, freezing the entire hall as she ran toward us. Apparently it stopped her because after the smoke cleared, her feet were stuck to the floor. I smirked at her then turned to Kos-mos to see her finishing up her message.

"We can go now!" Kos-mos grinned at me, then ran out of the hole in the wall. I waited until Sazuka had cut herself lose with her daggers before running after her.

"Where are we going?" I asked, catching up to Kos-mos. She smiled and tapped her head gently.

"We are going to the largest park in this area. It's safer there and no one will be out this late. We can fight there." Kos-mos sped up and I did as well, noticing how close Sazuka was getting to us.

**Shion's POV**

I woke up when I heard an explosion. It made the entire room shake; the entire ship was shaking from the explosion. I noticed my computer blinking and went over to it. I had a video message, it said.

"Shion, we have an intruder. chaos and I will deal with her, but I advise you follow us with Ziggy. He can help us." Then the box closed. I ran down to the hangar with my pajamas on, only to find the entire Elsa crew and the rest of my group staring at the hole in the wall toward the engine room.

"LOOK AT MY WALL!" Captain Mathews cried, muttering a few curses at 'crazy androids'.

"Wow, Kos-mos did a job on this wall." Jr. said, grinning widely. MOMO was staring at something next to the hole and I turned to look at it as well.

"They went to the park." MOMO told us, pointing at the message.

"I wonder who it was that attacked us?" I asked, receiving an "I don't know" look from the whole group. I ran out the hole, summoning my weapon to me, and calling MOMO to follow.

"I need you to help me find the park. Oh and Ziggy, Kos-mos said for you to come as well." I yelled as I ran in the direction of the heel prints in the ground. Ziggy jumped down and ran after me, with Jr. and MOMO behind him. Jr. grabbed MOMO around the waist and ran faster, since she had been running a little too slow. When he had caught up to me, he put her down on her own feet and she ran at the same pace as I did.

"Turn right here and then go left at the next street." MOMO said, looking in front of us.

**chaos POV**

Kos-mos and I came to a halt when we reached the park. It was a beautiful place full of pretty flowers and plants that shined in the moonlight. I knew if I had been in the park with any other situation then the one I was in, I would have taken time to admire the true beauty of the park, but I couldn't at the time.

"chaos, she's coming. But so are the others." Kos-mos said, smiling at me.

"What'd you run for? I was just going to kill the android and keep going! Now I've taken way too much extra time and I have to kill chaos too! I was trying to stray from that." Sazuka smirked at the two of us, her daggers glowing a bright red again.

"Why? It's not like you care whom your killing. Right?" I knew I was just biding my time, but if Sazuka knew that then our plan would be messed up.

"I do care. I must admit, I actually grew quite fond of your little group, but I have to do my job and that's killing Kos-mos."

"Who hired you?" Kos-mos asked, catching onto my plan.

"Why do you care? You're going to die anyway." Sazuka tossed her dagger up and threw it at Kos-mos, who jumped back. The dagger melted the cement ground the moment it touched, and there was a hole where it had landed.

"Why are they after me?"

"You're a threat and they want to make a copy of you."

"A copy?"

"Yes, a copy. They don't want you to have emotions though. I was supposed to kill you and then take you to them." Sazuka answered, yanking another dagger out of her boots. As soon as it touched her hand it began to glow a bright red and Sazuka ran at Kos-mos"Now die!"

Kos-mos dodged skillfully for about four minutes, but when she realized Sazuka wasn't going to give up, she knew she'd have to do something to stop her. I saw out of the corner of my eye Shion and the others run up and I signaled with my eyes for them not to give themselves away. I looked at Kos-mos, who turned to me and nodded, then ducked as Sazuka managed to cut a few strands of her bright blue hair.

"Ziggy, stun her." I had moved myself to where they were hiding and knew I whispered loud enough for the entire group to hear me. In five seconds flat, Ziggy was out there between Sazuka and Kos-mos, shocking Sazuka in her stomach and making her fall over.

"Zig...gy..." Sazuka looked slightly surprised before she fell over, falling into Ziggy's arms. Ziggy looked down at her with a stern face and I couldn't tell whither he was hurt or mad or just not feeling anything.

"Kos-mos!" Shion ran out from the trees to Kos-mos with a concerned look on her face. "Are you okay?"

"Shion, I am fine." Kos-mos eyes began to flash between blue and purple, as I watched her response.

"Kos-mos, what's going on?"

"The android is trying to take control again. I have to leave you guys now." Kos-mos smiled at Shion's sad face and then turned to me. "I love you." She whispered in my ear with a sad smile.

I kissed her cheek and nodded"Kos-mos, I love you too." I whispered back, hugging her tightly. She smiled and took a step away from me after a few minutes.

"Bye everybody!" She grinned and then with a blink her eyes were red again and her face expressionless. Shion looked very sad to see Kos-mos gone, but she smiled at KOS-MOS and then turned to Ziggy.

"Why don't we take her back to the Else and make sure she's okay. I'm sure we can convince her to stay with us until she's healthy. I know that shock of yours probably took a nasty toll on her body." Ziggy nodded and started walking back to the Elsa, carrying Sazuka in his arms. He was silent and his face wore no expression, but I had a feeling he wasn't too happy about Sazuka's betrayal.

"So that's why she told us what her job was. Kos-mos was her target." Jr. said, thoughtfully. The group remained silent, but as it registered in our minds, we all knew he was more than likely right.

End Chapter 8


	9. Encounter with a Mad Man

Depression

By: Sailorjj07

9. Encounter with a Mad Man

A/n: I've updated! Gosh, it takes me so long to update! Anywho, THANK YOU ALL REVIEWERS! I played Xenosaga: Episode Two already! I haven't beaten it yet, of course, but I'm getting there. Anywho, my ex-boyfriend read my fic and gave me an idea so this chapter was made with his help! Thank you, my dearest ex!

Disclaimer: I do not own!

When I woke up...well actually, when KOS-MOS woke up, we had begun our travel to our newest assignment...Planet Iceberg. That place was so very very cold, much like the continent Antarctica on Earth. No one knew how the planet got so cold, but no matter what Vector or anyone did, the planet would stay cold. Almost all forms of communication froze over on that planet and for us to be sent there...even Captain Matthews was worried. About 200,000 people lived on the planet and considering the amount of people, realians, and other races in our current universe, that was a very small amount.

"So this is the first time anyone on this ship has ever been here before?" Shion asked, from her chair on the bridge. We all were sitting there together on two benches against the wall, a new feature that was added to the Elsa.

"I have." chaos said, an odd expression on his face. I looked at him through KOS-MOS eyes and noticed she saw nothing wrong with the way he looked, but I knew something was up and I wanted to know what it was. But, I wasn't in control and so I couldn't do what I wanted. As I sat there on the church steps, watching what was going on from a screen in front of me, KOS-MOS gave me a blank stare.

"Do you like watching what I do with your friends?"

"They are our friends, Kos-mos. They would accept you as well, if you let them."

"I do not want their companionship. To accept friends is not in my programming." KOS-MOS gave me yet another blank stare before she turned back to face the screen. I watched as MOMO shivered beside Jr., who smiled at her and reached out for her hand.

"Do you think there will be snow, Jr.?"

"Yeah! And we can even play in it too, if you want." Jr. said, grinning at her. I smiled as I watched MOMO smile back; she didn't know how wonderful her smile was.

"I'd like that a lot!" MOMO cried, smiling back.

"It's settled then. When we get to Iceberg, we'll play in the snow."

"I've been to Iceberg as well." Sazuka added, moving from where she had been standing behind Hammer. She had been helping him, but I think she knew she should at least be semi-social. She was stuck with the group that she betrayed. It seemed as if everyone had forgiven her, except for Ziggy. He avoided her as much as possible and only answered her with nods and three word sentences. "That place is so cold! I had water in a canteen and it nearly froze while I was drinking it."

"Will the things we bought at the store work well enough?" Shion turned to both Sazuka and chaos, who looked at each other and back at Shion.

"It should be enough. But even if it isn't we all know KOS-MOS and I can create fire to use."

"As well as Ziggy and I." At the mention of his name from Sazuka, Ziggy looked at her before getting up and going to the newest extension of the first floor, where his room was. We all watched as Sazuka stared at the door that Ziggy had gone through.

"He's still upset with me, isn't he?"

No one answered her because we all knew he was. Sazuka had betrayed him the most, since she was the first person Ziggy had actually been nice too since he began to stay with us.

"I knew he was. I can tell just by the way he looks at me. But it doesn't make any sense! You all have forgiven me, haven't you?"

"Of course." Shion answered, smiling gently at Sazuka. She had taken to wearing contacts since we left the shopping planet, where she bought about five pairs.

"We liked you even before we knew your profession and since the rest of us don't really have any reason to not like you, we forgave you." MOMO added, smiling as well.

"So then why is it that Ziggy is still mad?" Sazuka asked quietly, looking out the window at the black, speckled expanse around us.

"You betrayed him the most. The old man hasn't opened up to people for almost ten years. We've been with him for about a year and we didn't even know how old he was."

"And he told me the first day we met...I can understand why he's upset with me now." Sazuka smiled slightly and then began to stride towards the door, "I'll be back." Then she left and we all knew where she was going.

"KOS-MOS, you can go change now if you want." Shion said, getting up and walking toward me.

"Change?" The android made me look like an idiot sometimes.

"Yeah, you know, change your clothes."

"I have no desire to do so." I frowned as the android inside our mind, half-smirked at me. I glared at her and shot a blast from my R-Cannon at her face, distracting her long enough to get in control for about five minutes. I felt my eyes take over and grinned at Shion's surprised eyes. "I'm only here for about five minutes, so I need to get her changed as soon as possible. The clothes are in my room, right?"

Shion nodded slowly, surprised that I had taken control that quickly. I had glanced at chaos, who now had a small smile on his face and his eyes were shining when it went into a full blown smile.

"Kos-mos, you're back."

"It's only because I shot her in the face. But I only have five minutes."

"Even if I help you push her back a little bit?" chaos asked, with a teasing glint in his eyes.

"That may work." I replied, grinning back. He nodded and I ran past him, going at full speed into my room. I began to pull tags and price stickers off of my clothes, as my armor began to fade away. (Oh, the joys of an armor changing ether drive!) I grabbed my light blue turtle neck and slipped it over my head, while pulling my white coat and light blue leather gloves out. I pulled on some socks, falling down on the bench against the wall, and then slid my blue jean pants on over my hips. I buttoned them up and went through the bag of shoes I had, pulling out my white snow boots out. They were lined on the inside with some type of fur and were very warm when I pulled them on my feet.

"Kos-mos, are you almost done?" chaos voice floated in from the hallway and I moved toward the door, making it open. chaos walked in and took in my appearance, giving me a nod of approval. "Kos-mos, you look wonderful."

"Thank you. I'm just trying to get everything I want done before the android comes back. Oh and you look great too." I nodded approvingly at the orange coat he had draped over his arm, which he dropped on the bench next to me. His brown pants fit him well and the gray turtle neck he wore with it looked nice with his green eyes. And of course, his gray boots added to the whole ensemble.

"Thank you." chaos looked down at the clothes he wore then looked back up at me, "What'd you do to her?"

"I shot her in the face." I stood up still getting things ready, and then looked up. chaos was staring at me with a dazed look on his face, something that made me wonder just what he was thinking.

"You shot her...in the face? You're really violent, you know that?" His arms came around my waist and I leaned back against him, closing my eyes. I felt a warmth run through my body and my heart race. (Remember she is an almost human.)

"You have no room to talk. I never killed a gnosis in 30 seconds. And somehow managing to chop its body into little pieces."

"You saw that?"

"You knew I existed even then, how could you ask me something like that. It'd be one thing if you hadn't look at me after you did it. Remember? You were wiping the green, purple, and black blood off your hands."

"Okay, so I don't have room to talk." He said, with a smile. I stared into his eyes for what seemed like eternity and in that time his heart spoke to me. I felt everything he felt for me, and I knew we would be inseparable after that moment.

"Kos-mos-"

"Shhhhh...You'll mess the moment up." I leaned forward and kissed him gently, feeling his arms wrap around my waist as soon as my lips touched his. He kissed me with such a quiet intensity that I felt my breath stolen from me. All I could do was put my arms around his neck, and hold onto him for dear life, hoping I didn't melt from the heat rushing between us. My mind was almost a puddle of nothing it seemed, because I couldn't think of anything but chaos and how he was making me feel from just a kiss. When he pulled away, he was breathing heavily, his breath coming out in spurts. I felt my face flush and grinned at how his face was slightly red as well. He smiled at me and leaned forward, making our foreheads touch.

"Kos-mos, I love you."

"chaos, I love you too. And you're a wonderful kisser." I grinned at him and he smiled back, making me blush slightly.

"I could say the same for you." He laughed when I blushed redder; embarrassed at the way he was teasing me.

"Okay, chaos...I have to go now...She's coming back." I was fighting her in our mind, struggling to stay in the front. I wanted his smile to stay, but I knew as soon as I was gone, it may leave.

"Kos-mos...I...Come back to me soon."

I smiled, at the way the light in his eyes was dimming slightly; he didn't want me to go. I lifted my hand to his face, caressing his cheek gently, "I promise I'll stop this, chaos. I'll stop making you feel pain everytime I leave you wondering when I'll be back. I promise I'll get her out of me, so I can stay with you forever. I promise." He nodded at my words and moved my hand from his face, kissing it gently.

"I'll keep you to your word, Kos-mos."

"Okay. Until next time." And I knew when I felt myself being pushed back, that she had control over our body again. She walked by chaos with her usual blank stare and then left him to sit in my room, all alone.

**An Hour Later**

"We will be reaching Planet Iceberg in fifteen minutes. We are currently entering its atmosphere. Please sit down and brace yourselves!" MOMO's voice came over the speaker system in the Elsa, while everyone either went into the bridge or sat down somewhere. I found myself standing up in the screen in front of me (It seemed he knew when I was watching him) and saw he wasn't bracing himself like the others. He turned and looked at me, past the red eyes and gave me a smile.

_'I'm keeping you to your word.' _The words he spoke to me rang in our mind, like an echo from a mountain top. I sighed and stared at the screen I had in our mind, watching what the android did to our body.

"KOS-MOS, you changed. And you look very nice!" MOMO said, walking up to me. She had on a dark navy blue coat that went to her ankles. Her coat had cream and brown fur around the ends of the sleeves and on the edge of her hood. She had orange boots on and an orange turtle neck with cream colored pants. She began to button up her coat and then pulled orange gloves, while looking at me.

"Thank you." The android replied, making me smile softly. At least she was somewhat kind to MOMO.

"So are you guys ready yet?" Jr. asked, walking in the room. His black coat look much like MOMO's without the fur. He had ruby boots on with a pair of brown pants and the gloves in his hand were ruby just like the turtleneck he wore. He glanced at MOMO and grinned, "Well hello there, beautiful."

"You like it?" MOMO asked, smiling widely. She spun so that Jr. could see her clothes from all sides.

"Yeah, it looks really nice on you, MOMO." Jr. pulled his gloves on his fingers and began to button his coat up. He and MOMO then went to the benches against the wall and sat down, trying to ignore the shaking of the ship.

I watched as chaos walked up to me, holding my gloves in his hand, "You forgot these, KOS-MOS."

"Thank you." The android snatched the gloves out of his hand with as much hostility I had ever seen. I wanted to kill her right then and there, for what she had done. I watched as chaos smiled and walked away, probably hurt by what the stupid computer had done.

"YOU STUPID PIECE OF MACHINERY! Why'd you do that to him!" I yelled slamming my fist down angrily on the step under me. I heard the concrete crack, but I ignored it and turned back to the screen.

"Shion, are you ready? Old man! Sazuka! COME ON!" Jr. yelled into the intercom in front of him. He released the button with a smirk on his face, and began to count,"5...4...3...2...and...1-"

"Jr., we were right behind you! You didn't have to yell at us, you know!" Shion cried, walking in with a frown on her face. She gave Jr. an evil eye before turning to MOMO,"and you are so adorable! I like your outfit!"

"Thank you, Shion!" MOMO got up and went to her navigational station and sat down. "We are now out of the gravitational pull and are now landing. Please be cautious since there may be turbulence." She said, in a professional voice.

"Thanks MOMO." Jr. said, getting up from his seat on the bench. Ziggy and Sazuka walked in together, Ziggy wearing only a coat over his regular clothes and Sazuka all decked out. She had on black high heeled boots and a red coat that stopped at her hips. It clung tightly to her body and everyone saw the fur that lined the inside. The shirt she wore underneath was a black turtleneck (a lot of those) and her pants were brown. She had some black leather gloves in her hands and was smiling widely at everyone in the room. It seemed as though she and Ziggy had made up.

"Your welcome, Jr." She began to type a few things on her terminal then stood up. Jr. followed her, watching as Shion slipped red gloves on her hands. Her coat was like mine, but black and her turtleneck was cream colored. Her pants were black and her snow boots, which were also like mine, were red.

"Well, is everyone ready?" Sazuka asked, leading us all to the hangar. We waited until the Elsa landed and watched as Sazuka passed out snow goggles. She then turned on the lights in the lower area and we all gasped at the sleek snow cycles waiting on us. "I kind of got a delivery from a few people the other day. Since I've been with you for a week, I figured why not pay them back by helping them out? So I got snow cycles." She walked to a ruby colored one and grinned at Jr.,"For you and your most favorite person." Jr. smirked at her and grabbed MOMO's hand, pulling her to the snow cycle with him. She then walked to a purple snow cycle and motioned for me to move over, "From the Vector Industry themselves. It's programmed to take you and you only. I think you'll like it." She pointed at a silver snow cycle, "For you Ziggy. It's powerful, like you are."

"And what about me and chaos?"

"I'm getting there!" She grinned and pointed at the cream color snow cycle," For you Shion. And for chaos..." She pulled a drape off of a pure white snow cycle that looked as graceful as chaos does in battle. "This one is for you." I watched as he walked slowly over to the snow cycle and ran his fingers along the vehicle.

"Thank you, Sazuka!" The group chorused and I think the android added in too.

"Your welcome! Now I have to tell you this first! These snow cycles aren't just regular snow cycles, they are battle cycles too. They can only fire when the button is pressed of course, but they are based on attacks I've seen you use in battle. MOMO, you have your own cycle over there, if you don't want to ride with Jr."

"No, I do." MOMO answered, wrapping her arms around Jr.'s waist and laying her head against his back. He blushed slightly and MOMO grinned even wider.

"I'm going to ride with Ziggy then." Sazuka climbed on behind Ziggy, moving herself very close to him. She put her arms around his waist and held on tightly as he began to rev the engine.

"Let's go!" Shion cried, leading the group out of the hangar. Jr., MOMO, and Sazuka shouted in response, although chaos wore a small smile on his face. He came to an even pace beside me and I wondered what the android planned on doing. She didn't seem to notice him, but kept looking ahead.

"Shion. There is a gnosis about 20 kilometers from us." KOS-MOS said, loud enough for Shion to hear her.

Shion nodded and kept going straight, "So that's why I got orders to go here! They want us to be some type of gnosis control or something!" Shion frowned but came to a halt when she saw the large gnosis in front of the entrance to what seemed like the only city for many many miles.

"Well who wants to fight this one?"

"Me! Me! I got a new weapon from Sazuka and I want to try it out." MOMO moved the bow from around her back and showed the group what she meant. She let go of Jr. and hopped off the snow cycle, waiting for two more people to join her.

"I'll help too." Jr. said, getting off of the snow cycle as well.

"I'll assist." The android added, getting off of our snow cycle. That's when I realized that she was up to something. She was way too eager to help. Then I felt it and my sensors went wild.

"THAT ISN'T A GNOSIS!" I cried at the screen and watched as chaos turned and looked at KOS-MOS. It was almost like he heard me because he got off his snow cycle as well and began to look intently around us.

"Shion...I-"

"Dear Rubedo! What brings you to this frozen wasteland, my dear other half?" MOMO turned and ran behind Jr. in an instant, her body shivering in fear. The insane laughter began and Albedo's head appeared on the gnosis, making my eyes widen in horror. How had the android known without me knowing? What was going on?

"Albedo! What do you want?" Shion yelled, taking a step in front of Jr.

"I simply came for ma pêche..." MOMO shrunk further behind Jr. as Albedo looked at her. But when his hand came out, I felt my body being compelled toward him, moving on its own. I began to feel my visual mind shake and the church began to fall apart. Something was wrong...Very wrong.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" I yelled at the sky, hoping the android heard me.

"KOS-MOS, what are you-?" chaos asked, and I could feel the hurt that was in his heart.

"I only came to extract what I need from ma pêche...Isn't that right, KOS-MOS?" My body moved forward closer to him and he was touching my hair, in a disgusting show of affection. The sky began to turn black above me and I ran into the church, closing the door. I had no clue what was going on and in truth I was afraid. I sat down in the front pew and watched as the screen popped up in front of me, he was touching my face now. I could feel his hands on me as well, trying to fight the urge to scream. The android knew what was going on.

"What are you extracting from KOS-MOS?"

"Would I tell you?" His finger ran across my bottom lip and I trembled in fear. A storm began to rage outside of the church and lighting struck, lighting a tree on fire. The android knew what was going on.

"Kos-mos, you have to get out now!" MOMO cried, having gathered enough bravery to talk to me. I tried to fight the fear that was trying to consume me, and then looked at chaos. I had to fight for myself, even if the android could not.

"Ah, but she can't hear you, the little human inside her metal cage. I'm taking her with me." His hand moved from my bottom lip and then slowly he touched a finger to my forehead. I felt my body begin to shake and then everything went black.

**Four Hours Later**

When I woke up, my eyes met a brown wooden ceiling. I tried to move my body, but couldn't do it, as a pain raced through me.

"You're awake. Kos-mos don't ever do that to me again." I turned at the sound of chaos' voice and smiled softly.

Hold on...

I'm in control!

Where'd the android go?

I began to search my mind for her, but couldn't seem to find her. She wasn't in my mind, but it was possible for her to be somewhere else.

"chaos, how long have I been out?"

"Four hours." He answered, looking at the wall.

"Four hours!"

"Yeah, I know." He looked at me and I saw my blue eyes reflected in his. So I was in control...

"Do you know what happened?"

"Albedo touched you and you began to have what seem like a seizure, and then passed out. After that, he left. Do you know what he did?"

"I'm not sure..."

"Is anything different from normal?"

"No...Except...I can't sense her."

"You can't sense her?"

"No. You don't think-?"

"No, we don't think it. We know. Albedo took the android part of you, out. He took the android."

**End Chapter 9**


	10. Missing Half

Depression

By: Sailorjj07

10. Missing Half

A/n: I haven't updated in like forever, so this is my update for the month. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! I hope I get some more cause well...I LOVE THEM SO VERY MUCH! Now, on with the fic!

Disclaimer: I do not own!

**chaos POV**

"So what do we do?" MOMO asked, standing over Kos-mos. She was laid out on a table and Shion had been examining her. She had all of her android abilities, and she could still calculate and use all of her other functions.

"Honestly, this is a good thing..." Sazuka said, looking at everyone in the room. Kos-mos nodded, not looking at anyone. I knew she was slightly worried. Even though he hated her other side a lot, she didn't want her to die unless it was by her hand.

At least that's what I thought...

"I'll be alright." Kos-mos told us, climbing off the table. Shion watched as she walked out of the room and then for some reason, she started to cry. Allen was at her side in seconds and the rest of us followed him.

"What's wrong, Chief?" Allen questioned, putting an arm on Shion's shoulder. None of us had any idea what was going on, and I didn't think it was that bad.

"Allen, she will die. If her other half doesn't return, she will die." Shion answered, starting to cry louder. The words struck through me like a knife.** Kos-mos was going to die. **Why hadn't I figured that out? The love of my life would die and the only way I could stop it is to save her other half. The half that she hates. Why would anyone want to save the cold, unfeeling part of her? Why should Kos-mos be the one to suffer when her other half betrayed her?

"Shion, you're kidding." Jr. was the first one of us to speak and the way his voice sounded told us how much he liked the new Kos-mos. His face was very bleak, as was everyone else in the room.

"I'M NOT KIDDING! Jr., I'm not kidding..." Shion cried, giant tears spilling down her face. She looked so upset, so hurt. All at once, I was reminded of a mother whose first born had a fatal disease...Something that would kill her baby in a very short time.

"Shion, we can stop it right? We can keep Kos-mos alive, can't we?" MOMO was the second to speak and she too, was crying. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and her face was very pale. Jr. put his arms around her slowly, and she laid her head against his shoulder. Then the dam broke and MOMO began to sob. As soon as Shion heard her, she began to sob as well, louder than the red-headed realian.

"Damn it!" Jr. yelled, holding MOMO tightly to him. His face was grim and he patted MOMO's back, and then began to whisper comforting words to her.

"She knows, doesn't she? Kos-mos knows she's going to die..." I heard myself talk before I had control over it. My mind was working on its own. I couldn't even think about anything else. My love was going to die and I wasn't going with her...

"I'm not sure if she knows, chaos."

"Kos-mos knows. She isn't stupid. Kos-mos knows, but she thinks we don't." I was angry before I knew it. Kos-mos knew she was going to die and she wasn't going to say a word to us. She wasn't going to warn us, she was just going to die and expect us all to be okay with it and go on. Doesn't she know I can barely live without her?

Obviously not...

I left the room in a rush. I was going to find her and ask her why she wouldn't tell us. Why she wouldn't tell me that she knew she was going to die without her other half.

Damn it...

I ran down the hall and found myself in my own room, following the directions my heart gave me as I went in search of her. Kos-mos was laying in my bed, with the covers wrapped around her. She was curled up in a ball and her head was turned in the pillows.

"Why didn't you tell me?" My voice was as calm as I could make it. I heard her sigh slightly, but she gave me no answer.

"Kos-mos, why didn't you tell me?" I asked her again, trying to control all the emotions that were threatening to release themselves. She gave another sigh, but she still did not give me an answer.

"Kos-mos, why didn't you-?"

"chaos, shut up." Kos-mos sat up from the bed, looking at me. Her face was some what pale and she had a terribly sad look in her eyes.

"I'll shut up once you-."

"Just shut up!" Kos-mos eyes had gone from sad to extremely sad in seconds and I knew her reason. She was hurting, but she didn't want me to hurt. She hadn't wanted any of us to hurt. So she wasn't going to tell us. I ran my fingers through my hair and sat down on the bed next to her curled up form, reaching a hand out to rest on her arm. She shivered at first, but then scooted closer to me and I began to stroke the top of her head, hoping to calm her down a little.

"Kos-mos, you knew."

"Yes. I knew, but I didn't want you to hurt, chaos. I love you, but if I hurt you, that defeats the purpose."

"That's not true. Kos-mos, if you hurt me unintentionally that's one thing."

"But-"

"No buts. Now be quiet." I pulled her as close to me as I could get her and put my arms around her. She moved over in the bed and I crawled in beside her.

"Why?"

"Because you're upset. And you said weird things when you're upset."

"I say weird things? I've never even heard you use the word weird." Kos-mos smiled, smiling faintly. She kissed me gently on the cheek and then leaned her head against me, going to sleep. I kissed her on the top of her head gently, but I couldn't bring myself to sleep. Not with Kos-mos being the way she was.

"So she's already out cold. I was hoping to get some information out of her too." Jr. walked into our room at that moment. Something in the room buzzed quietly for a few seconds, and then it went silent again.

"Thanks for waking her up, Jr." I said, almost surprised at my own sarcasm. I haven't been sarcastic in a while….

"What are you talking about?"

"Her sensors just told her you were in the room. She can probably hear every word we're saying."

"Then she her me ask her why the HELL she didn't tell us she was going to die. Do you know how long it took me to get MOMO quiet? And when I left she was still staring sadly at the ground, like she just lost her best friend." Jr. stalked to his bed and sat down, frowning at me and Kos-mos.

"Well….she is pretty close to Kos-mos, isn't she?"

"Yeah! And it's gonna hurt her really badly….when Kos-mos dies."

"Jr., she may not die. There is a way for us to save her, but she probably doesn't want us to do it."

"There is? Why doesn't Shion know? Should she tell her, so she can do something?"

"This has nothing to do with Shion. Shion can't bring the other Kos-mos back and make this one kill her."

"Are you saying….?" Jr. was looking at me with an almost worried look on his face. I could see the scars from his past visit with Albedo written all over his face. I think if it wasn't for all of us staying together the way we did, we all would have gone mad; being that close to Albedo would drive anyone crazy.

"I'm saying that we have to go to Albedo and get the other Kos-mos back."

"But how can we find him?"

"We don't. Kos-mos can track her other half…with my help."

"Will you do it?"

"I'm going to do everything in my power to save her." I looked down at Kos-mos beside me, sleeping so peacefully. I ran a finger gently along her cheek, then looked back up a Jr.,"I don't care what it takes. I am going to save her life."

"You love her a lot, don't you chaos?"

"If you don't know the answer to that, I'm not going to give it to you." I smiled softly at Jr. and he chuckled.

"Back to your question and answer games, I see." He grinned at me and got up. "I'm gonna go check on MOMO again. I'm worried she may still be a little upset. Am I allowed to-?"

"Yes, but her only. No one else. Not yet."

"Can I ask why?"

"I don't know, can you?" I smirked at Jr., giving him the oldest remark I ever heard. I knew he'd probably call it corny, but at the moment, I didn't really care too much.

"What the-? chaos that was a bad one….Really bad one…." Jr. laughed, and then nodded, "But I'll let you have your way. Why can't I tell anyone else?"

"I want Kos-mos to tell everyone herself. I don't want anyone else to tell them."

"Okay. Well, I'm out." And he left the room.

**30 Minutes Later**

"chaos? Are you okay?" I had been staring out the window, looking at all the snow. The wind was blowing fiercely outside and snow was rushing past the window, piling up on the ground below us.

"Kos-mos, I'm fine." I reached a hand to caress her cheek, not looking at her. She responded to the touch by laying her hand against mine, pressing it closer to her cheek.

"Then tell me why you're staring out the window so much?"

I turned then, a small smile on my face. Kos-mos smiled back at me and her light blue eyes told me that she was happy I was still with her.

"I was just watching the snow storm."

"A snow storm? What's that?"

"Your database doesn't hold any information on that?"

"I don't think so….Let me check…." Her eyes began to turn to a deep purple and then brightened to red. I stared at her, wondering why her eyes were red. Did that mean the other Kos-mos was back?

"Oh! Okay….I understand now. Shutting internet connection." Kos-mos blinked a few times and then her eyes focused on me, once again light blue. "A snow storm is a storm of snow. The wind speed is very high and the snow can be anywhere from ice to hail to thick snow. That's interesting! I've never seen a snow storm before!" Kos-mos climbed out of my bed and went to the window, putting a hand against the glass and then moving it quickly, "The window Because of the wind and the snow?"

I nodded and got out of my bed as well, moving myself to stand behind Kos-mos. She leaned back against me, and I put my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder. "Yes. The snow and the wind makes the window cold. Kos-mos, don't you remember how cold it was when we got off the Elsa?"

"Yeah…"

"See? It has to stay cold for the snow."

"Oh yeah! That's right! That's in my weather bank…" Kos-mos trailed off, because a large snowflake had hit the window, melting as it slid down.

"Kos-mos…."

"Yes?"

"You have to tell everyone that you know how to save yourself."

"But chaos, if I do that then everyone will be worried about me, when I go to Albedo and retrieve my other half."

"Kos-mos, we won't let you go alone. We're going with you."

"What!" Kos-mos moved away from me and turned around, staring at me. "No one is going to come with me. chaos, I won't let them. That's like asking them to die for me."

"I'd die for you whenever you asked." I said, quietly. I stared back, knowing she was trying her hardest not to let us go with her.

"You would? chaos…..I'd do the same for you. But I can't ask you to do that for me. That isn't right and I won't make you do it. I can't ask you to do that."

"Who says you're asking? I'm going with you on my own accord. You never asked me to go along."

"chaos…"

"Kos-mos, I won't let you go alone."

"chaos…I have to."

"No, you don't. And even if no one else goes, I am going and you can't refuse me."

"Why not?" I took a few steps closer, making Kos-mos back away. In a few seconds I had her against the window, and she had a small smile on her face.

"Because I have the power of persuasion at my fingertips."

"No, you don't. chaos, you can't persuade me to do anything."

I leaned forward, my lips barely touching hers,"Do you want to test that belief?"

"Maybe…" Kos-mos pressed her lips hard against mine, leaning back against the window for support. I kissed her happily, surprised she be willing to do so…But if that's what she wanted, who am I to tell her no?

"chaos…I don't want to tell them." Kos-mos whispered against my mouth and I pulled away, looking at her. Her eyes looked very sad and I felt a strong need to wash it away.

"You have to."

"No, I don't. You say I have to, but I don't."

"Kos-mos…"

"chaos, I'm not going to tell them."

"Kos-mos, are you….Why don't you want to tell them? Why don't you want us to help? Do you want to die! Do you want all of us to mourn for your death for years! Well! Do you!" I tried to keep my emotions in check, I really did. My voice rose slightly and I began to put a lot more emphasis on my words. But I didn't get angry. Kos-mos eyes looked almost frightened for a second, but then her eyes softened. She understood. She knew I wasn't angry with her. I could never be angry with her. I was just annoyed by what she was doing. Annoyed by the way she was acting.

"chaos, I….I'm sorry. I'm being selfish."

"You're not being selfish, Kos-mos. You don't want us to worry about you. But the face is, we care about you. We love you. And you trying to run off and leave us all in the dark. That's like saying you don't care how we feel. That if you die, we all won't be sad and upset."

"But you will."

"That's what I'm trying to get you to understand."

"I get it."

"Are you sure?"

Kos-mos nodded, "Yes, I'm sure. I'll tell them. And then we'll go to see Albedo."

"Together." She grabbed my hand and I went with her to tell everyone what had to be done.

**Elsewhere (3rd Person POV)**

"Androids are so much better than those little realians…." Albedo whispered to KOS-MOS, caressing her face gently with his hand. KOS-MOS didn't move from her spot beside him and had no intention of doing so.

"KOS-MOS, is your other half looking for you yet?"

"No."

"Hmmmmm. Well when she begins, tell me. I have a present for her and her little group."

"Yes master." KOS-MOS closed her eyes slowly when Albedo kissed her cheek gently.

End Chapter 10


	11. The Trace

Depression

By: Sailorjj07

11. The Trace

A/n: I JUST BEAT XENOSAGA EPISODE TWO! IT WAS SOO FUN! SO VERY VERY FUN! Anyway…..This chapter has a few spoilers in it. I'm not going to lie; the ending of episode two confused the CRAP out of me. Like I had no clue what the heck was going on, but I'll tell you one thing: I learned something new! So on with the fic!

Disclaimer: I do not own!

**Kos-mos POV**

_"Yeshua….You will be the one to awaken KOS-MOS. You must……" The voice in my head was chilling me. I had no clue, who it was or what they were talking about._

_Who is Yeshua? And why do they have to awaken me? And how am I to be awoken? I'm already up, aren't I?_

_"Yeshua……"_

_Who is this person talking to me? I was so confused. I think I was dreaming, but I wasn't that sure. _

_"You must awaken KOS-MOS. You are the only one who can."_

_The voice continued to repeat the name in my head, as if I had to memorize that name._

_"Yeshua……Yeshua……Yeshua……Yeshua must awaken KOS-MOS…."_

"Kos-mos? Are you okay?" I bolted up quickly in my bed, opening my eyes immediately. MOMO was standing over me, looking very worried.

"Yes…I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You kept saying the name 'Yeshua' over and over again."

"I…..I was having a very strange dream. That's all." I took a deep breath and looked around me, realizing I was in the new room that they had given me.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'd rather I didn't, MOMO."

"Okay!" MOMO grinned and hopped off the edge of my bed. I sat up and shivered, looking around me. The wind was still blowing heavily and snow was practically plastered to the window.

"What time is it?"

"It is exactly 8:00 am and 38 seconds, Kos-mos. Everyone else is up."

"And they sent you to come wake me."

"Yup!"

"Thank you. Tell them I'll be upin a couple of minutes."

"Gotcha!" MOMO skipped out of my room and I listened as her footsteps began to grow farther and father away.

"I guess I better get dressed now." I said to myself, getting out clothes to put on.

**Twenty Minutes Later**

"Glad you could join us, Kos-mos." Shion smiled at me as I walked into the cafeteria on the Elsa, noticing how everyone was in one little corner of the room.

"We were just discussing what we should do about your other half." Jr. told me, moving over on the bench so I could sit. I nodded and sat down next time him, ready to hear what they had to say.

"So now we can continue. As I was saying before, Kos-mos WILL die without her other half. We have to find it. I think if I can trace KOS-MOS internet system, I can find her." Shion said, looking around the table.

"There is a better way." I added, not looking at anyone. I felt there eyes fall on me, but I refused to look at anyone.

"Really? What is it, Kos-mos? Tell us."

"I can trace my other half. I can trace her all on my own. The only thing is, she knows when I'm looking for her. She can feel it."

"Which means if she wants to, she can cut the trace off." chaos added, looking at me as well.

"Exactly." I replied, nodding. I turned to look at the rest of the group, who all nodded thoughtfully.

"I say we give it a try." Jr. said, looking extremely confident.

"Me too!" MOMO cried happiness evident on her face.

"If it is best." Ziggy commented, looking at Sazuka, who nodded as well.

"Well then, let's do it. I want to get off this frozen planet as soon as possible."

"One problem. The engines have gnosis crawling all over them and they are freezing them." Tony said, looking down at the ground.

"WHAT! WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ANYONE EARLIER? YOU IDIOT!" Captain Matthews screamed, grabbing Tony by the neck and shaking him fiercely.

"I tried to, but I didn't want to interrupt the meeting or anything!"

"YOU ARE SO STUPID!"

"Don't worry; we'll take care of it." Sazuka stood up and ran towards the exit door, already being dressed. I watched as Ziggy ran out after her and then Jr. behind them.

"Shion, you and MOMO can stay here." I said, standing up as well. I pressed a button on my arm and watched as bright blue rings appeared around my waist. They began to move away from each other and my black and red fire element armor appeared on my body.

"No, we're going with you. Our Ether drives will help." Shion answered, running outside past me. MOMO nodded and took off after her.

"I'm going to watch from the window." Tony moved to a window seat and watched as Sazuka and Ziggy appeared in front of him.

"Come one, Kos-mos. Let's go slay some gnosis." chaosgrabbed my hand and lead me outside, into the cold.

"Where is everyone?" I yelled over the wind, trying to see.

"They went that way!" chaos yelled back, pulling me along.

"Storm vision!" I blinked and I could suddenly see through the snow. Thank goodness for that feature. I then began to run, pulling chaos along with me.

"I take it you can see now?"

"Of course!"

"Kos-mos!" Shion yelled, as a giant gnosis stood over her.

"Shion, duck!" I aimed and fired my Fire R-Cannon. The fiery laser burned its way to the gnosis, lighting up its path. The gnosis gave a loud cry and then died, burning from the inside out.

"Good job!"

"Thanks! Now let's find Jr., Ziggy, and Sazuka!"

MOMO nodded and lead the way to the engines. There were gnosis crawling all over them.

"Thanks for showing up!" Sazuka cried, jumping up in the air and slashing down on a small gnosis that had made its way to the wing.

"Yup!" MOMO grinned and a small fire ball formed in her hands. She held it to one of her arrows, then pulled back and fired. The arrow flew through three small gnosis, killing them instantly.

"Time to get rid of all of these things!" Jr. cried, jumping up in the air. He threw several coins up and then dropped to the ground, waiting until they began their descent to fire at them. The created a frenzy of bullets around two gnosis, killing them several times over.

"This is almost too easy…." Ziggy commented, smashing a gnosis into the ground.

"I agree." I told him, looking around for any giant gnosis that I couldn't see. I scanned the area and didn't find anything, but snow. Soon all of the gnosis were gone and it was totally silent.

"Something doesn't feel right…." Shion looked around us, a worried expression on her face.

"No…It doesn't…..THAT'S IT! THE SNOW! MOVE AWAY FROM THE ENGINES NOW! MOVE!" I cried, grabbing MOMO's hand and running away from the engines. The rest of the group followed as the ground began to shake and rumble.

"What is it?" MOMO asked, turning around when we were far enough away.

"It's a snow gnosis! They hide in the snow and are undetected until they appear." I told her, watching as the giant frozen gnosis stood between us and the frozen engines.

"Let's take it down!" Sazuka cried, her daggers glowing a burning hot red. She smirked and threw a dagger at the gnosis, hearing it cry out when the burning dagger hit.

"Charging Flame Sword." I whispered to myself, watching as my arm morphed into a red blade.

"Die!" Jr. yelled, firing several bullets at it.

"Flame!" Shion used her Ether drive and engulfed the gnosis feet in flames, making it cry out even more. The gnosis fell over and I jumped over it.

"Flame Sword." I said quietly, chopping through its head all the way to its stomach. The gnosis gave a loud cry, making me fall off of it, then faded into nothing and died.

"WHOOOOO! WE WON!" Jr. jumped up in the air, smirking widely.

**Elsewhere (3rd Person POV)**

"Now where did my little android run off to?" Albedo walked around his ship, the Omega Merkahba (Made up name), wondering where KOS-MOS had ran off to.

"KOS-MOS! When I call you to my room, you are to be there immediately!"

"I was only readying myself." KOS-MOS answered, in her usual monotone. She knew how sadistic Albedo was. He had played with several realians, but she was stronger than them. She could take anything Albedo would throw at her and he knew it.

"For what?"

"So we are not to…..'play', as you put it?"

"Oh that's what you want? I've never met an android that's so very anxious. Do you want me to kill you?"

"If that pleases you, Master Albedo."

"I just LOVE the way that rolls of your delightful tongue. Master Albedo….You must continue to call me that. But come, since you are so very anxious to play, that is what we will do. It'll occupy us until your other half begins her search, I'm sure." Albedo gave a very evil laugh and licked KOS-MOS cheek. "This way." He said, leading her down a very dark hall.

**On Planet Iceberg**

"Kos-mos, can you trace her?" Shion asked, staring at the gold ring that I knew had formed around my pupils.

"I have been tracing her since Tony unfroze the engines, but we must hurry. She is currently occupied, but she may not be for very long."

"Tony, hurry up!" Captain Matthews yelled, glaring at him.

"I'M TRYING!"

"Well try faster!"

"Kos-mos, are you okay?" chaos asked, coming up behind me. He had already seen the ring that was around my pupils and was now watching it spin, as data streamed into my brain.

"I'm fine for now."

"How long will that last?"

"Until she finds out that I'm tracing her. I'll put up the location. Plug me into the navigational computer; the cord is behind my ear." I felt chaos search gently behind my ear and then I felt the cable being pulled away from me. He plugged the cable in and I transferred all the data to it.

"Oh wow. Look at this……It's so far away." MOMO commented, typing away on the computer.

"Yeah, it'll take us exactly three days to get there. If they don't move."

"But the coordinates aren't definite. I know the general area, but it would be much easier if I could get the exact spot."

"I'll try." I told MOMO, trying to get my systems to speed up.

**On the Omega Merkahba (3rd Person POV)**

"Master!" KOS-MOS cried out, moving away from Albedo. He frowned and bit KOS-MOS firmly on her ear lobe.

"What is it?"

"She is searching for me now."

"She is? Well I have a little present. Come, into my arms, my precious android."

KOS-MOS did as she was told; ignoring the pain her ear was in. She felt blood trickle down her ear, but decided not to say anything.

"Now, let's give them a little scare, shall we?" Albedo placed a hand on KOS-MOS forehead and closed his eyes.

**On the Else (Kos-mos POV)**

"MOMO, I've been discovered!" I cried, feeling her alarm systems go off. She was aware of me and that wasn't a good thing at all.

"Just a little more."

"I don't know if I have time for a little more!"

"Kos-mos, you can do it." chaos whispered in my ear, watching as the rings around my pupils began to spin faster and faster.

"I'm trying!" I pushed my systems to go faster, and felt my body heat up. My systems were going at max speed, and I knew I only needed about two more coordinates, but she was blocking them from me.

"Kos-mos stop!" Shion cried, but I shook my head.

"I'm going to finish this!" I yelled and felt my body heat up even more.

"Stop Kos-mos! Please!"

"No!"

"Kos-mos!" Shion screamed as my body began to shake.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Suddenly a huge electric shot went through me and my body began to shake. I heard laughter in my head and a voice say,"It's what you get. Stop trying to find us."

"Kos-mos!" I felt my body fall to the ground and knew some of my systems had been fried.

"Kos-mos…" I heard chaos whisper my name and then everything went black.

**EMERGENCY REBOOT……………5 PERCENTCOMPLETE**

End Chapter 11


	12. Reboot

Depression

By: Sailorjj07

12. Reboot

A/n: I've updated! It feels like it's been forever since I did too. Anyway, thank you all for the reviews!

Disclaimer: I do not own!

**chaos POV**

"She hasn't woken up yet? Albedo did some work on her..." Jr. said, standing beside me. Kos-mos hadn't woken up since her systems shut down. She got the two remaining coordinates for us, but damaged herself in the process. I hadn't moved from her side since we moved her.

"Shion said she should be back up by the time we get there." I told him, watching her face. I missed seeing her beautiful blue eyes...And her voice...I was missing her already and she was lying in front of me.

"Well MOMO said that she might get up on her own before then. MOMO thinks she'll wake up because she knows you miss her." I glanced at Jr. then turned back to Kos-mos. He smirked at me and then placed a hand on my shoulder, "She's going to be okay."

"I know."

"Do you know where the old man is?"

"I think he's with Sazuka."

"Figures."

"They have been spending a lot of time together."

"Yeah, I know. Well I'm off. I'll find something to do." Jr. strolled out of the room, spinning a gun on his finger.

I looked down at my fallen angel. Her face was so peaceful, so very serene and it killed me. I had gotten use to seeing her smile, I had gotten use to seeing her laugh, and that was my downfall. My beautiful Kos-mos wasn't even awake anymore. She was almost dead. And it hurt...I touched her cheek, noticing that it was slightly cold. I ran my finger down her jaw line and then back up her cheek. I touched her eyelids, wishing they would open at my touch. But I knew that wouldn't happen. They'd open when she wished for them to and I just had to wait.

I think I'm starting to hate waiting.

I think I'm starting to hate waiting a lot.

I think I'm starting to REALLY hate waiting….

"Are you going to sit with her until she wakes up?" MOMO skipped into the room, smiling widely at me. I nodded and went back to watching Kos-mos.

"That's so cute. You love her, chaos?" MOMO asked, curiously. She went to Kos-mos right side and held her hand. She began to count, obviously checking her vitals.

"Very much, MOMO."

"Do you think someone could love me like that one day?" MOMO wasn't looking at me anymore and a thoughtful look crossed her face.

"I think so."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"That'd be so wonderful!" MOMO said, lowering her voice to an excited whisper. I nodded smiling softly at her. She let go of Kos-mos hand and skipped towards the door. "I have to go help Shion cook lunch. You should come up."

"Maybe."

"Bye chaos."

I nodded and then went back to watching Kos-mos. She still wasn't moving. I don't why I sat there and waited, acting like she would awaken in just a single day. Albedo did serious damage to her systems. I remember watching as Shion had to do an emergency operation on her and repair her circuitry...

**_Begin Flashback_**

_I watched in horror as Kos-mos fell to the ground, her face going completely blank._

_"Kos-mos! MOMO, hurry we have to help her!" Shion cried, falling to her knees beside Kos-mos. She pressed a button hidden inside her soft bellybutton and I watched as the panel on her body opened. Her stomach seemingly cut and removed itself and all of her artificial internal organs and the circuitry around them were revealed to me. Shion pressed another button, somewhere on her collarbone and I closed my eyes as her clothing removed itself and another section of her body was moved to the side. I only peaked at her midsection, when I heard Shion give a cry at being shocked by a stray wire._

_"Shion, this doesn't look good. I have some replacement wire though, I'll go get it." MOMO said, standing up. _

_I shook my head, "I'll get it." MOMO nodded and told me where it was in her room and I rushed out of the room, trying to keep myself from being angry. My angel was hurt trying to help us. She was hurt and I knew who had done it. Everyone thinks I'm not the type to get angry, but they don't know how terrible my anger can be. And at that moment my anger was great. I was having a very hard time to control the power inside me when I had reached MOMO's room. I got the large container of extra wire and ran back to the bridge, where everyone was gathered around Shion and MOMO, watching as they tried to replace the damaged wire. I sat the container beside MOMO, nodding when she muttered a thank you and then glanced at the crew. I had a feeling they weren't as interested in Kos-mos wiring, but the bare body that was lying on the ground. I stepped in front of their line of vision, an annoyed look on my face. _

_"I don't think the girls can concentrate with all of you surrounding them like that." I glanced at the group that had been watching and waited for them to move. They nodded and I saw a smug smile appear on Jr.'s face._

_"Someone's a little upset, I think."_

_I lifted an eyebrow at him, then turned and looked down at my angel, who wasn't moving at all anymore. Her bright blue hair was sprawled out, all around her, making her look even more like the fallen angel that she appeared to be. Shion began to press the buttons and her body began to piece itself back together, her clothes coming back around her. I picked her up gently and waited for Shion to tell me where to take her._

_"Isn't she heavy?" Shion asked, walking ahead of me so I could follow her._

_"Are human women heavy?"_

_"Not really." Shion said, thoughtfully._

_"Then neither is she." I answered, wishing she would wake up and tell me she was alright. I glanced at her still face while Shion led me to her room, then placed her down in her bed and watched her face longer._

_"Allen will be in here in a few minutes to do a systems check. Her replacement wiring should be fine until she wakes up and can repair it herself. I'm going to go get some things out of my room, you mind watching her for me until I get back?"_

_I nodded and my waiting had begun._

**_End Flashback_**

"I hope you wake up soon, Kos-mos…" I whispered to her and to myself. It somehow helped me feel a little better when I heard myself tell her to wake up. I guess it made me feel as if she would hear me and wake up instantly.

I knew that wasn't going to happen…

But I can hope, can't I?

I think I'm allowed that much….

I sighed and leaned my head down on her bed, next to her cold, unmoving arm. I was so used to feeling warmth there….I almost jumped when I felt nothing, but cold. I glanced at the pale arm beside me and then stared back down at her bed sheets. They were a very light blue, a very pretty blue that I had never noticed before.

It's weird….Whenever something bad happens you begin to notice the smallest things to be happy about, you find the smallest specks to point out…Maybe it's supposed to help take your mind off of what's going on or maybe in your desperation to find something to make you slightly happier, you notice that tiny little thing and suddenly you have a reason to smile again.

It must be a form of human nature…..

But then, I shouldn't even be doing this, should I?

"chaos, you need to eat." Shion came in through the doors with a tray in her hands. The smell of hot food filled the room and as much as I didn't want to admit it, I was hungry. Very hungry actually. I nodded and accepted her food thankfully, but ate very slowly.

It's not like I was going to do anything else after I was done eating anyway.

"You're really going to stay down here with her until she wakes up….You should really take a break. Everyone misses you on the bridge and you've been down here since we moved her. Have you even used the restroom?"

I laughed,"Yes, Mother, I used the restroom."

Shion rolled her eyes, but smiled anyway,"Hey, I'm just trying to help you feel better. She's not dead, nor will she die if you continue to treat her the way you do. She'll be scared to leave you."

"Do you think so?"

"I know so and so do you. She's probably wondering why you haven't come to get her yet."

"A subconscious dive?"

"Of course, there's no other way to help her get better…We could just let her sit there, but that might take time that we DON'T have. So what do you say? Me, you and MOMO? She wants to go too."

"And us as well." Jr. and Sazuka said together, coming in the room. They both smirked at Shion, who rolled her eyes a second time.

"I didn't agree to that."

"Well I've never been in someone's subconscious. I think it'll be fun. And Ziggy's sleeping anyway, so he won't know the difference." Sazuka replied, with a grin.

"And you would know that how?" Jr. asked, lifting an eyebrow at Sazuka. Shion looked at her questioningly as well and even I was a little curious.

"Does it matter? Just know that I know that Ziggy is asleep. Geez….say one thing and you get asked 21 questions by a bunch of people younger than you."

"So it doesn't matter that you know? Or it just doesn't matter HOW you know?" Jr. questioned, trying to get something out of her.

"Neither of them matter really. Nice try with the question thing though. Only chaos can pull that off from some reason."

"It's because chaos isn't a regular person."

"I am still in here." I rolled my eyes like Shion had done earlier, and stood up, handing the tray of food to Shion. While everyone had been talking, I had been eating; slightly faster than before.

"Well then to you want to take a subconscious dive, chaos? We can check on her that way."

"Does everyone have to go?" That was the first time I had ever implied that I wanted to be by myself. I don't know why I decided to do that, but I wanted to go ALONE. They'd just have to get over it….Maybe I am still a little mad.

"Do you not want us to go?"

"Do you think I want you to go?"

"…………..If I were you, I wouldn't. Cause she is YOUR girlfriend after all. We kind of come in second when it comes to you. So I guess you can go alone." Shion decided, typing on her little computer (ya know the one on the handheld thingy).

"Are you sure you want to go alone? You could be attacked and-"

"Shion, I'm sure."

"Oh….Okay. Well grab her had and I'll start up the dive….Just a few more commands and…" Shion's computer began to spark and she yelped, dropping it to the ground. She blew fiercely on her hand, obviously suffering from a slight burn.

"Kos-mos doesn't want us to go to her." I said, staring at the wall. As soon as the computer began to spark, the reason rang in my mind. Kos-mos didn't want me to go through a dive to see her. She wanted me to wait.

I think I already said that I'm starting to hate waiting…..

Now, let me say that I'm starting to hate waiting with a large passion.

An EXTERMELY large passion…

"Well……I guess you're going to have to wait then." Shion said, matter-of-factly. I sighed and sat back down in the chair I had been sitting in.

There's that "wait" word again….

I think I'm even starting to hate that word…

"Yeah, sorry chaos." Sazuka yawned then winked at us, "I think I'm going to go see what Ziggy is up to."

"You already said he was asleep!" Jr. cried, wondering what in the hell was wrong with Sazuka.

"Well he might be up now. Maybe he noticed I was gone and woke up-! I mean……Bye kids!" Sazuka bolted out of the door and we just watched as the door shut behind her, with that weird swishing noise that the doors always make.

I wonder who decided that doors would go SWISH everytime they opened and closed……

WHAT AM I THINKING ABOUT!

Kos-mos needs to wake up soon. I'm losing my mind….I can't even seem to remember how I kept my calm without her….Or maybe it's the waiting that's bothering me so much….

There's that word AGAIN!

I sighed and laid my head back down beside her arm, closing my eyes. My mind was racing and going everywhere when it usually didn't do that. I used to have the most patience in the world….I have no clue where it all ran off to. I really wish it would come back right now…I'm gonna go crazy if I'm not careful.

But I guess that's what happens when you're angel falls to the ground in sparks and smoke.

"chaos, just give her time. She'll recover and then her systems will reboot and come back online and she'll be as good as new!" Shion grinned at me and I lifted an eyebrow in response, then closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against her arm.

So that's what she's doing, huh?

Making me wait for her to reboot?

I'll wait then, Kos-mos….

I'll wait forever…

So that you can reboot your systems….

And come back to me.

End Chapter 12


	13. Awakening

Depression

By: Sailorjj07

13. Awakening

A/n: I know everyone thought I had given up completely on this fic, but the truth is, I had MAJOR writer's block! So I must apologize for my lack of updating and I promise to have two chapters up before these two months are over. That and I have to say sorry for the length of this chappy.But please, don't give up on me cause I'm trying to update more frequently! AND THANK YOU TO ALL WHO REVIEWED!

Disclaimer: I do not own!

**Kos-mos POV**

My head hurt. It hurt so much...It felt like I had been hit by a meteor or something, I was in so much pain. But at the same time, I was happy because that meant I was still alive.

"Ugh...Why do I feel like I got ran over by the Elsa?" I asked, opening my eyes slowly. I looked around the room, only to find that it was my room.

"Kos-mos you were hacked into by the android...I would be surprised if you woke up feeling perfectly fine."

I looked around, turning my head slowly to the voice, "chaos?"

"Welcome back, Kos-mos." chaos smiled widely at me, with a warming light in his eyes. I smiled back, and tried to roll over, but my body didn't want to.

"Hi chaos..." I answered softly, still trying to move. chaos' smile grew as I gave up, with a frustrated pout.

"Kos-mos, how are you feeling?"

"chaos...I can barely move..."

"Let me help." chaos moved forward and put his arm behind my back and then helped me to sit up. I looked down to find myself in my black and blue pajamas, with my blankets falling to my lap. chaos moved my pillows to help support the position I was in and then sat back down in the chair beside my bed.

"chaos, how long have I been out?"

"About three days, Kos-mos."

I took in the information quietly. I was out for three days? What the heck did Albedo DO to my systems?

"He completely fried some of the wires in your body, Kos-mos."

"He did!" The outburst cost me though and I grew quiet again. chaos glanced at me with a pained look, but didn't comment.

"Yes."

"chaos...Have...Have you been here the entire time?"

"Do you have to ask?" The amused look on chaos' face told me the answer to my question. He HAD been there for three days; he had sat with me the entire time. I slowly moved my hand to cover his, and smiled at him.

"Thank you."

"No, thank you."

"For what?"

"For waking up...If you had slept any longer, I think I would've lost my mind without you." chaos quiet revelation only brought a larger smile to my face. I gave him the most loving look I could with my eyes, since the rest of me was barely listening to what I told it to do.

Then a knock came on my door and MOMO's voice rang out, "chaos, I've brought breakfast for you!"

The door opened and MOMO stepped through, with a tray in her hands. She looked up to find me looking happily at her and then gave a loud squeal of delight,"KOS-MOS, YOU'RE AWAKE!"

"Yes, MOMO, I'm awake."

MOMO handed chaos his tray without a second thought and hugged me tightly. I tried to return it, but my arms didn't feel like moving all that much. The girl hugged me for a few more moments and I couldn't help but smile.

"Oh, Kos-mos, we were so worried about you! Especially chaos! You should've seen him! He wouldn't even leave to go eat, so we had to start bringing him his food and-!" MOMO launched into a long story, talking with animation and apparent joy.

"MOMO calm down! I want to hear the whole story, but I can barely keep up with what you're saying!" I said, with a huge smile. The younger girl grinned at me and nodded, halting in her story.

"Sorry Kos-mos. I'm just so happy to see you!" MOMO hugged me again and then gave an excited cry,"Oh! I have to tell everyone else!"

"Go right ahead, MOMO." chaos told her, watching as the girl ran out of the room and upstairs.

"Wow...How has she been?" I asked, turning my head to chaos for an answer.

He gave a soft smile, "She missed you very much. Like the rest of us did."

"Including you?"

"You keep asking me questions that you already know the answer to." chaos' amused smirk made me want to roll my eyes at him, but all I could do was laugh.

**Two Hours Later**

"Do you think you can get up now?" Shion looked at me over the top of her clipboard with an inquiring gaze. I nodded and swung my legs over the edge of my new bed. chaos was at my side in an instant, ready to help me should I fall. I slid off the bed slowly, feeling my bare feet touching the cold floor. I stood on my own and walked towards Shion, but then had to stop because I felt like I was going to fall over.

"Kos-mos..." chaos said quietly, and I knew it was more of a statement than a question.

I shook my head though, and walked toward Shion until I was standing beside her, "See? I can walk on my own."

"Kos-mos, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yep! Fine." I gave Shion a smile and then walked back over to my bed and sat down again. chaos gave me a weird look, but I tried not to meet his eyes.

"Good! Then I guess you're off of bed rest now! I'll come back to check on you later, okay? So no running around the ship." Shion smiled and then strolled out of the room, waving behind her as she walked through the door.

I leaned back on my pillows and gave a sigh of relief, surprised myself that I had actually walked after two hours of waking up. They had given me food and water within that time and now, I was tired again. I pushed my pillows back down under my head and turned on my side to look at chaos.

"chaos?"

My eyes were closed when I called out to him, but they opened wide when I called him and he didn't answer.

"chaos!"

I blinked when I still didn't get a response. Then I realized that chaos wasn't going to answer me for a while...He had fallen asleep. I watched his sleeping form and wondered if it would cause him any pain to sleep straight up like that. I leaned over my bed to touch his face gently, watching as a soft smile crossed his face and he leaned back further against the chair. I nodded to myself as I prepared for the next move. I was going to move him.

A few minutes later, having moved chaos from his chair to my couch, I found that I could move around more and that I wasn't as weak as I thought. Spreading a blanket over chaos, I turned and walked into my bathroom. I turned on my shower and then got some clothes out of the shopping bags I had carelessly thrown in my closet. I was allowed to bathe, even though I really didn't have to. It made me feel more human, so I made sure I took showers and baths. Plus after being knocked out for three days, I had to. I just felt...Dirty.

"Well, at least I can walk around again."

I knew talking to myself wasn't a good thing to do, but I was sort of talking to my love, who was still sleeping on my couch. I glanced over at his sleeping form before I walked into my bathroom and shut the door.

**Later That Night**

I watched as chaos finally woke up later that evening. My guess was he had stayed up three nights in a row, watching over me like the wonderful man he was.

"So you finally decided to come back to the land of the living, I see." I said to him, smiling warmly, as his hazy eyes greeted mine. When he gave me a sleepy nod, I felt my breath float away from me; chaos was so cute when he was sleepy.

"Kos-mos?"

"That was my name last time I checked, chaos."

"How long was I asleep for?"

"I'd say...About eleven hours? Yup, eleven hours sounds about right."

chaos sat up with a sheepish smile, "I slept for eleven hours? Whoa..." chaos looked around my room and then his eyes fell on me again. I sat down on the couch next to him and blush brightly when he sat up and put his arms around me.

"My angel...I missed you..."

"I missed you too."

"Not enough to let me into your subconscious..."

"No, you have to learn how to be patient. Which apparently you're terrible at because you tried to get into my head."

"And you broke Shion's computer in the process."

"Oh did I? Wow, I hadn't meant to do all that." I gave a sigh as I thought about Shion. No wonder she looked a little ticked when she came in to check on me. I'll have to apologize for that later...

I was shaken out of my thoughts by chaos's quiet voice, "Kos-mos, we're on our way to the Omega Merkhaba. Are you sure you want to go as well?"

"chaos, did you forget that if I don't go, I'll die?"

When I received no answer, I sighed; he knew alot about that little piece of information, he just didn't want to be reminded.

"I know you want to protect me chaos," I kissed his cheek slowly, happy to be able to touch him again, "But you have to let me go. I can't just sit here because if anyone else kills her, I'll die too."

"Kos-mos..." chaos started, but I never let him finish. With a smile, I kissed him full on his mouth, shutting him up. I didn't want to talk about it right now. I knew if we failed I would die, but how do you tell the love of you're life something like that?

When I finally released him, my smile had spread to his face. It was a soft smile and I could see the sadness that lingered in his eyes, but it was a smile no less.

"Kos-mos, you're just trying to shut me up."

"And it works too."

"Fine, you win. For now." chaos said, his smile growing as we sat in each other's arms. I nodded and for once in my entire life, I felt so...alive. I was ready for any and everything because of my chaos.

It was then that I realized it.

Being with chaos would make me stronger. Stronger than I **ever** was before.

And knowing that I could recover from such a blow...

It would only be a matter of time, then...Until my awakening would be completed.

Ihad startedawakening, at that very moment and **I wasn't going to stop until I was completely awake.**

End Chapter 13


	14. Suicide

Depression

By: Sailorjj07

14. Suicide

A/n: I started playing Xenosaga 3, which made me remember my lovely fic that I have. I really don't have any excuse for not updating, and I am sorry, but this is the 2nd to last chapter! Then when it's over, you won't have to deal with it, right? I believe this fic was good though, and I'm actually fairly proud of me for making it. I read over some chapters and realized a couple of errors, which I'll go through and fix later. Anyways, this chapter IS long, I promise, so get ready for a fairly good read and sit, heh! ON WITH THE CHAPPY!!

Disclaimer: I do not own!

**chaos' POV**

We arrived at the Omega Merkabah shortly after I had showered and changed. Kos-mos was happy as ever, walking around the Elsa like she hadn't seen it for years. It's probably an effect of her being knocked out for three whole days, but it was cute nonetheless.

"chaos! Come here, please!" I heard MOMO call out from the kitchen. I smiled to myself and walked in, only to find Kos-mos and MOMO covered in what looked to be flour...Or something to that effect.

"What are you two doing?!"

Kos-mos and MOMO burst into giggles, and then went back to the weird doughy substance on the counter.

"We're baking, chaos." Kos-mos answered, a smile on her face. MOMO nodded in agreement, and handed the dough to Kos-mos, who cut it into slices.

"Baking?"

"Yes, we're going to make delicious sweets! We researched it and decided to try it! And YOU are going to be our official taste tester."

"I'm going to be what? We're about to land on the Omega Merkabah." I told them, trying to keep the worried look off of my face. Were they going to kill me before I could save Kos-mos?

"So? We're going to put special things in them so they can help heal us too. They'll be...magical!" MOMO answered, smiling as Kos-mos laid the slices on a pan and shoved it in an oven. Kos-mos went to the sink and washed her hands, then came to stand beside me.

"It'll be fine." Kos-mos said, looking up at me with her big blue eyes. I tried not to look at her; she was giving me that look on purpose, I knew. But finally, I just couldn't take it anymore and gave in.

"Fine," I said, though I DIDN'T want to say it. "I give in. I'll be your taste tester."

"Good!" MOMO cried, clapping her hands together in excitement.

Kos-mos just hugged me, and whispered in my ear, "Thanks very much. I love you, chaos."

"And I love you too. Which is why I have to try these cookies." I whispered back, feeling her give me a slight squeeze before she let me go. I sighed and stepped away from her, not believing what I had just gotten myself talked into.

How on earth did she know how to get to me?

When I saw Jr. rounding the corner, I grinned to myself, and then turned back to the girls, "Would you look at that? Jr. just said he wanted to try too."

"What the hell? chaos, what are you talking about?" Jr. asked, looking at the look on my face. Then his eyes widened when he saw the two girls behind me, and he immediately began to take steps back towards the door.

"AWWW! Jr., that's so sweet of you! You can be an official taste tester too!" MOMO said, running over to him and pulling him back into the kitchen with us.

"A what? MOMO, what is that?"

"You get to taste our cookies!"

"...You made cookies?"

"Yup! And when they're done, you and chaos get to taste them!" MOMO told him excitedly. I covered my mouth to hold in my laughter, but Jr. saw it and glared at me anyway.

"Eh, fine. If chaos is too scared, then I'm man enough to eat them."

"Good! They'll be done in a little bit, so you two go get ready to land, and we'll finish these up." Kos-mos explained, and I nodded in agreement. I did need to get ready to land on this thing. Albedo and the android were awaiting us.

...Albedo...

Just the name made me cringe.

I tried to keep the look off of my face, but Kos-mos noticed anyway. She was observant, as usual. She gave me a look that said everything would be ok, and all I could do was nod. I mean, who knows the future? I figured everything would be ok. If not, we'd die here...

I tried not to think about that either.

"chaos?"

I glanced up to find MOMO looking at me intently. She gave me a soft, reassuring smile as well, and I simply nodded back.

"So, what exactly do you have to do to prepare anyway?" Jr. asked me, and I turned to look at him, realizing he was still in the kitchen with us.

"Just make sure all my equipment is in proper order. Including the A.G.W.S."

"Oo, good idea." Jr. said in agreement, and then, "Can I go check on them with you?"

"Can you? You are your own person, after all."

"Smart ass. What the hell is with those stupid answers of yours anyway? Geez." Jr. told me, following me out of the door. We both waved at the girls and then headed to the hangar.

**Later**

"Is everyone ready?" Shion asked from her A.G.W.S unit, over the communication links. The Elsa was going to hover around the area and wait for us, in case we needed back-up.

"Yeah! Let's go destroy that freakishly weird guy!" Sazuka cried, from her A.G.W.S that she shared with Ziggy. I stifled a laugh at the overly hyper woman, for two reasons: firstly, because she had NO idea what she was in for, and secondly, just because she was hyper enough to be excited to kill someone. It made no sense, but then again she is an assassin.

"Kos-mos, are you alright?"

"chaos, I'm fine...Stop asking me."

"No thank you. Try again later and maybe I'll take it into consideration." I smiled at Kos-mos' face in the screen and she giggled, allowing the screen to stay open.

"So tell me, my wonderful boyfriend, how are we going to go about this?"

"We're gonna bust a hole in his damn wall!" Jr. yelled from his unit. Kos-mos laughed and then watched as Jr. blew a hole in the wall with his missiles. He laughed and bounded through, the rest of us following the impulsive red head. MOMO was laughing as well, saying something to Kos-mos about how crazy Jr. was.

"We really shouldn't be this happy..." Ziggy stated, trying to be as serious as possible. And he was right. We were going to either our deaths or Albedo's death...and we were laughing.

Had we reached a point of hysterics that it was just funny?

Or were we truly about to reach a brighter part of our lives?

The questions hanging around my head were almost overbearing, so I pushed them aside. Ziggy was right; we needed to get more serious. We could all die today and we were almost laughing about it. When I looked at it that way, I could feel my laughter dying off quickly.

"He's right, you guys. This is serious business." Shion chimed in, though I could hear the smile in her voice. I nodded in agreement, and we all continued on into the hole that Jr. had made for us.

The sight that awaited us was horrible.

Corpses lay strewn across the floor in piles like old linens. They were realians I knew, but I tried not to say anything. Just stood in silence as MOMO gasped loudly, and Shion was almost brought to tears.

"...This is awful..."

"It's just like my brother." Jr. said, between gritted teeth. Ziggy and Sazuka were silent, two peas in a pod. Apparently, they both knew that now wasn't a very good time to say anything.

"chaos, didn't this happen the last time?" Kos-mos asked me quietly, opening a private link.

"Yes. Albedo has a thing for sucking the life force out of realians. We don't know why, he just does. It makes me wonder what he's done to the android..."

"He didn't kill her, whatever he's doing."

"And that makes it better?"

"Well no, but-," Kos-mos bit on her bottom lip, and I couldn't help but think how cute the gesture was.

I also couldn't help but realize how much I still craved for her.

Shaking my head, I forced my A.G.W.S forward, ignoring the feeling of loss in my heart. I felt...unnerved...without being able to hold onto Kos-mos, especially at a time like this. I wanted to hold her hand and share in her strength, so that neither of us would be weak when we faced Albedo. However, I couldn't and so I knew I would have to be strong on my own until I could. My only hope was that got to my Kos-mos before Albedo did.

We reached a point were we could unload from our units, and so after we had all gotten out, we began down the longest hallway I've ever seen in my ENTIRE life. Jr. was walking in the front with Ziggy, Sazuka, and MOMO behind him. Shion and I trailed in the back with Kos-mos, who glanced behind us every now and again.

"Do you think it will be extremely hard to take him down?" Kos-mos asked, her eyes looking around us at all times. She was checking every shadow and corner, to make sure nothing came at us unexpectedly.

"No, but to take down your other half...That's the challenge." Shion answered, her weapon at the ready. I felt prick of pride reach my chest; the women around me were not fools, but forces to be reckoned with.

"I agree." I added, allowing my normal calm expression to cross my face. Kos-mos looked at my skeptically out of the corner of her eye, but then went back to being watchful.

"Of course it can't be-."

I stared at Shion as her voice suddenly went out. Her mouth was still moving, but I didn't hear anything at all. I could see myself still walking with them, but there was no sound.

What was going on?

_"Yeshua, you didn't wake her like we told you to."_

I blinked...Who was talking to me? Yeshua...That was MY name...Who knew my TRUE name?

_"Yeshua, you failed."_

What? I failed? No, I didn't...

It wasn't time yet...

Kos-mos had been woken up. The human Kos-mos walked around in broad daylight; isn't that awake enough?

_"You're such a failure. You said you would love her and yet you won't even wake her up. The sweet smelling princess...Why did you fail us? Why didn't you wake her?"_

Who is talking to me?! What are you talking about?! I didn't fail! I didn't!

"I DIDN'T FAIL!!" I heard myself cry out, and soon I found myself clutching my head in pain. I was still standing though, but had long stopped walking with Kos-mos and Shion. A sharp ringing penetrated my ears, and I grit my teeth, fighting the urge to cry out again.

"chaos? chaos?!" Kos-mos was beside me in an instant, but soon I was thrashing, trying to get the noise out of my head.

It was hurting so bad...

What was going on?

_"Yeshua, do it. Wake her up. Right now."_

What? I can't. I won't. It's too early for that. We don't have to go away yet. The world doesn't need us yet. Let us be happy...For a little while. Let us stay awake before we have to sleep again. The order to my chaos...Let us stay awake together.

_"She won't be awake until you kill her. You know that."_

I can't kill her. It's suicide to do something like that. I'd kill myself in the process. Who the **hell **are you? Stop talking to me...

"chaos! chaos! It's ok! It's alright...I'm here. I'm right here..." Kos-mos was hugging me and whispering to me, even though I was still holding my head. She was even stroking the parts of my hair that weren't covered by my hands.

"Kos-mos..." I heard myself whisper hoarsely. Why couldn't I talk?

_"Kill her, Yeshua! Do it!"_

"NO! I won't!

"chaos, what are you talking about?!" By now everyone else had stopped and reached us as well. They were all searching, trying to find a way to help me, but I couldn't be helped.

I had just been asked to kill myself...To kill the one person that my heart beat for.

It was suicide all over again.

"chaos...Yeshua, you don't have to do this. Don't listen to him...My lovely Yeshua, that's Albedo talking. The bastard. Don't listen to him."

Images flashed in my mind. The time I discovered I couldn't die. The time I tried to end it all anyway...That was the first time they took Kos-mos from me...I saw her then, in her other form...Awake and loving me...My beautiful angel Kos-mos...

"Yeshua, love...don't do it. Don't listen to him." Kos-mos was stroking my hair over and over again, whispering close to my ear. She hugged me to her and kept saying those words over and over again, and soon enough, that was all I could hear. Nothing else mattered to me, but her voice; the one thing that kept me from going over the edge. She was right...Albedo was trying to break me.

"ALBEDO! YOU BASTARD! SHOW YOURSELF!" Kos-mos yelled out, the harshness in her voice bouncing off the walls and slamming back into our group. We all sat in agonizing anticipation, waiting on a response.

Then he started to clap.

"Wow, good job human. You saw through my wonderful trick...I'm surprised."

I glanced up, trying to silence the horrid ringing. As soon as Kos-mos had stopped whispering to me, it had started again, and though I was gritting my teeth together and forcing myself to stand, I got up and took my hands away from my ears.

Kos-mos glanced at me, and the anger was evident on her face. Kos-mos was ready to kill. And after a point, so was I.

"Aw, the loving couple is angry with me? Whatever am I to do?" Albedo asked, faking a worried look. He titled his head and smirked sadistically at us,"Oh I know. KOS-MOS, be a dear and deal with my lightweight. Your other half thinks she stands a chance."

That's when the battle began. KOS-MOS came at us with guns drawn and missiles charging. She wasn't going to stop until she killed us all, but I didn't care. Albedo was going to die today.

"Yeshua, don't be angry. Your Kos-mos and my KOS-MOS are exactly the same. Now both of us can have her. Isn't it so nice of you to share?"

"Albedo, I swear...I'm going to-."

"No chaos. I'm going to do it all." Kos-mos placed her hand on my arm, and glared angrily at the man less than fifty yards than us. And she was at him, as swiftly as her other half, R-Blade formed and ready to strike him down.

But the hit didn't go through because KOS-MOS stopped her with an R-Blade of her own.

"Move, witch!"

"Human, you are challenging someone you cannot defeat. Now, die." KOS-MOS made a swipe at Kos-mos, but my blue eyed goddess dodged it. She fell to the floor on her back and then flipped herself up, delivering a handstand kick to the android's chin. An angry growl escaped the android's lips as she flew up in the air, and my Kos-mos simply smirked and continued her onslaught. She jumped into the air after her, delivering a kick to the android that took her higher. Kos-mos then used the slowly ascending android to propel herself higher than her, and followed that with a drop kick that sent the android crashing into the ground.

"Die android!" Jr. yelled, firing a round of shots that was sure to hit. He smirked as smoke began to float up from the crater that Kos-mos' other half laid in, and nodded at the human half that landed beside him.

"Jr. move. She isn't dead."

"What? There's no way she alive after that!"

"Move!" Kos-mos cried, pushing Jr. out of the way and crossing her arms in front of her face. A blur knocked her back and sent her sliding backwards on her heels about ten feet. When Kos-mos moved her arms down, she turned to me, a serious look on her face, "Pay attention, Yeshua! Albedo is still there!"

It was then that I actually did remember Albedo; I had been so entranced with the fight between both versions of my angel. I nodded, and turned to face Albedo, while sliding off my gloves.

"Ah, so the holy one decides to use his touch? This should be interesting."

I glared at Albedo, but kept my mouth quiet, lest I tell something I shouldn't.

"chaos, let us battle that madman." Came Ziggy's quiet, but stern voice beside me. Sazuka gave a single smile at me, and flipped out her daggers, smirking as the began to glow a burning red.

"Yes, let's." I said in agreement, throwing my gloves to the side. It was time to take them both out.

**Thirty Minutes Later**

It was clear that we had won. Albedo couldn't regenerate anymore and he could barely stand. Truth be told, we were all tired and we all were breathing heavy. MOMO had kept her healing up, even giving me a cookie every now and again to keep us active and awake. It had helped, surprisingly.

"Albedo, give up!" Shion told the URTV, breathing heavily as she spoke. I glanced at her to find her looking close to collapsing.

"Ok, I give up."

There was no way in **hell **it would be that easy...I knew that as soon as he said it.

"Seriously?!" Jr. stated, skeptically. Actually, we all were skeptical about Albedo's quick agreement to give up. What was he planning?

"Of course, dear brother. I'll give up if you can figure out how to destroy my android without killing Yeshua's human."

A silence penetrated the room and we all glared at the regenerating bastard. Why would he make that a condition knowing that we didn't know how to do it?

"Oh, you don't know how, do you? It's simple really...Just use the thing that's the most important to that damn human."

"What?" This time even Sazuka was confused. What was he talking about?

"Stupid humans. Yeshua has to kill the android with the human. But it has to be the human doing the killing."

"He's lying. Don't listen to him, chaos." MOMO said, glancing at the look on my face.

I couldn't kill KOS-MOS! She looked just like the love of my life...She looked just like my angel, and I was supposed to kill her?

...I can't do that...

"No, he isn't. MOMO, he isn't lying." Kos-mos said quietly from behind us. She walked forward, and towards me, reaching her hand out to take mine. I reached out to take her hand and saw that my hand was shaking. I couldn't kill KOS-MOS, no matter how hard I tried. It'd be suicide, yet again.

"Kos-mos..." I started to say, but she lifted a finger to my lips and silenced me.

"I know. You can't do it. That's why...I have to do it. Yeshua, my love, do you trust me?"

"Do you really want an answer to that?"

"Playing mind games like always," Kos-mos smiled, and pulled my closer to her, taking hold of my other hand, "I love you, Yeshua. Always remember, I am the order to your chaos."

Why was everything she said sounding so final? Why did it sound like she was trying to leave me?

"I love you too, Kos-mos."

"Good...And..." Kos-mos reached her arm back, and closed her eyes, as a single tear fell down her cheek, "I'm so sorry..."

"Kos-mos, what are you-?" Before I could even finish, Kos-mos plunged her R-Blade through my chest, and straight into my heart. I could feel myself slowly slipping as another tear splashed down onto my cheeks.

**She was crying for me.**

How ironic...I had said that if she did this to me; If Kos-mos were to slice her R-Blade into my chest, I would still love her...

And what's amazing is...

I still do.

My Kos-mos, my angel, my order...

**I love you with all my heart and soul. **As well as all my being.

And I...forgive you.

End Chapter 14


	15. Finale

Depression

By: Sailorjj07

15. Finale

A/n: THANK YOU TO ALL WHO REVIEWED!! This baby is finally over with...I figured I've made you guys wait long enough, lol. Thank you so much for sticking with me.

Disclaimer: I do not own!

"Talking"

_'Thinking'_

**Actions**

(Me!)

**Kos-mos POV**

I felt his body growing cold as I laid chaos against a pillar. I leaned him against it so that he was sitting up, even though his head was bowed on his chest and he looked...like he was asleep.

I could feel tears burning in my eyes and throat, and I knew that the others were scared that I had turned on them.

"Kos-mos!! What're you doing? Don't do that! Stop!" Shion cried a bit too late for her words to matter anyway. I looked past her at Jr., whose blazing ruby eyes were on me like a hawk. He gave a single nod and took MOMO's hand, who nodded at me as well. The two stepped forward together and began attacking Albedo, distracting everyone's attention from me.

"Hey, you can't fight without us!" Sazuka cried, and she was after Albedo like a bee, giving him burning little red marks all over his body.

My arm was burning as I walked towards my other half, chaos blood burning into my blade. I heard the blade begin to sizzle; I felt it burning me.

**His soul was burning into me.**

For a second I thought I could hear his voice in my head, telling me that it was alright and that he understood me. I really thought that he was still alive, whispering sweet words to keep me calm.

But nothing was going to keep me calm.

My love's life-force was dripping onto the floor off of my blade and I refused to let that be in vain.

That android was dying, today. Right now.

I charged at her as the burning blazed a path up my arm, reaching my shoulder blade. I grimaced and swiped at her head, following through with several more swipes when she dodged. It wasn't until she lifted her arms up to block that I made a direct hit, and with a nice sounding thump, the android's hand hit the floor.

She glared at me and I glared back, feeling the burning run up to my neck.

That meant that there wasn't much time.

I had a plan, of course, but I didn't expect this to go so quickly...chaos' blood was stronger than I had thought.

"Hah! You think you know something, don't you? You think that coating your blade with his blood will work? No darling...It's more than that." Albedo managed to sputter out, while Jr. delivered a kick to his abdomen that sent him flying.

I rolled my eyes, and went back to my assault on KOS-MOS, feeling that burning sensation spread across my neck.

**Damn.**

"Kos-mos!" Jr. yelled, firing rapidly at KOS-MOS while I went at her with swipes. We made a good team, and eventually with another slash, her entire form was cut from shoulder to hip. I kicked her down to the ground and raised the blade over her heart...

And then I started to spasm.

My entire body began shaking rapidly and I could feel my eyes rolling to the back of my head. It was because my love had holy blood...

I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw that his chest began moving up and down slowly. After a minute or two, he gasped, and I pushed my heel further into the android's stomach. We caught eyes with each other, wide and startled green eyes staring at me and then he yelled out hoarsely. Everyone was staring at him with the exception of MOMO, who was already casting a healing spell over him.

"Kos-mos!"

I forced myself to concentrate and turned my back to KOS-MOS. Then without warning, because of the spasms, I fell directly on top of her, back to chest.

I ignored everything else, and forced my blade steady.

"DON'T KOS-MOS! NO!" chaos cried again, and I could tell he was trying to stand up.

Forcing my eyes shut and holding back my tears, I shoved my R-blade through my heart and her's, holding it there as the spasms continued.

I felt the android slump underneath me after she squirmed and kicked as hard as she could. Slowly, her systems began to cease, and mine directly behind her's...

The last thing I heard was my love screaming my name over and over again...

He sounded so sad...

**I'm so sorry, Yeshua. **

I hope you can forgive me...

But you...you have to be awake too.

**Later, chaos POV**

I was told I couldn't die. I knew that, but I still thought that maybe, maybe this time it would work. When Kos-mos had stabbed me, I just knew I was going to die. I could feel myself dying.

But that's just it. Even if it was Kos-mos doing the killing, I still couldn't die. I had seen something dark, like space and was merely floating around there until I saw a burning blue light.

I knew it was her before I even saw anymore of it.

That's why I thought I had died and gone to heaven; because Kos-mos was there.

My angel was fit for such a good place, so I knew that's where I must be if she was there.

Then, I woke up, and realized I was in hell. No... Actually, I was in a place worse than hell because the first thing I saw as I woke up was her eyes.

Her depressed, tormented, sad blue eyes.

My Kos-mos was sad because of what was to come. She always had a thing for sacrificing herself for others. Like a sacrificial lamb...

But the problem with that was, that meant she would have to die.

When I woke up and saw her eyes that way, I knew that was her plan. To die here, in this place, and leave me all alone again.

She knew that I wasn't dead. Her stab wound had been just that, a wound. My body healed up and closed it as quickly as it normally does. My holy blood would never let itself be spilled too many times.

I find it so hard to understand why she would allow herself to die. I don't get why she would want to be her own killer. Suicide is a sin, and my angel never sins. She never does anything wrong.

So why, why did she feel like she had to give herself up for the rest of us? Why did she leave me all alone in this god-forsaken world? All she would be to me now was an aching memory, something I would lust after and long for until the die that I die naturally.

There was no way to kill myself, I tried it all before.

Why was she gone?!

Kos-mos...

Kos-mos!

"KOS-MOS!" I could feel my body shaking with dry sobs as I sat up in my bed. That dream was the start of many, I knew now. My Kos-mos was never coming back, she had died...Killed herself to save us all. To save me.

I looked around the room and realized that we were back on the Elsa. After seeing Kos-mos become a cold heap on the ground, I had passed out, not wanting to feel the pain of that sight anymore. I felt tears streaming down my face as I lifted my hands to my cheeks, and I wiped them hastily away. I didn't want Jr. to accidentally see them.

I realized then that Jr. wasn't even in the room. There wasn't even a light on in here. I moved out of my bed and the lights came on instantly, causing me to blink rapidly as I walked towards the mirror. There I saw myself, red-rimmed green eyes, looking amazingly pale and annoyingly sickly. I didn't even know how long I had been out for.

I walked towards the door slowly, taking my time to collect myself somewhat. Everyone probably thought I was a madman by now, screaming her name so much.

But they just didn't know...

**I loved her.**

With every part of my body, soul, and mind. She was my other half; that part of me that would be with me forever...

**I love Kos-mos more than myself. More than anything in the entire universe.**

I could already tell it would be impossible for me to live without her.

I would have to make myself manage, but not after a couple more attempts...

There are a few methods I haven't tried yet.

"chaos! Oh my gosh! You're awake!" MOMO rounded the corner as I was walking toward the kitchen and gasped. She smiled widely at me and ran to hug me tightly.

"Hey." Was all I could manage. I felt like I was going to cry all over again.

"HI! You've been out cold for almost four days chaos! We were really worried you had gone into a coma because of shock."

I patted MOMO's head lightly and whispered to myself, "I wish I had."

MOMO gave me an odd look and took my hand, "Oooh. I know what's wrong. Come on." MOMO lead me away from the kitchen and towards the elevator. I allowed her to drag me and looked up at the ceiling as we rode along.

"This will cheer you up, I promise." MOMO said, and she grabbed my hand again. She pulled me along until we were in front of Kos-mos room, making me grimace visibly.

"MOMO, I can't go in there."

"Yes, you can. Go."

"No, MOMO, I can't...I'm not ready yet." I could feel my eyes watering up and began to walk away from the door only to have MOMO stand in my path.

"Go in there!" She cried, and with a push, she shoved me into the doors, which opened just in time to make me fall flat on my rear on the floor. I groaned loudly and stood up, glaring at the door.

**beep**

I looked at the door, wondering if Kos-mos security alarm was going off.

**beep**

No... this sounded different. That was too calm... I turned around and began to sob at what I saw there.

**beep**

There she was, looking beautiful as ever, laying in her bed. She looked so peaceful; so rested, it was amazing.

I stared in awe at her face, her arms, her body, everything, and took a step closer.

**beep**

Her chest was moving up and down...

**SHE WAS STILL ALIVE!**

I could feel my body about to explode with joy. I sniffed and then felt myself about to cry.

Seconds later, I found myself laying my head on her chest and sobbing heavily.

I was so miserable without her, even if I wasn't awake. I was going to be desperate without her and ready to end my life too, if I could.

My love was alive and here, and she was with me, though. I could still live on now.

I could feel my tears coming harder, and I buried my face deeper and cried longer.

I felt a pair of arms gently stroke my hair after a while, and then heard a gentle, "Shhhhhhh, its ok."

This only made me cry even more and soon I was completely out of myself, babbling about things like an idiot, barely coherent to myself. Kos-mos kissed the top of my head, and laughed hoarsely.

"chaos, honey, I'm alright. You're alright. Everything's ok."

I looked up then and watch her smile spread across her face. She cupped her hands to my face and brought me close to her, kissing my lips and then running her mouth along my cheeks. She playfully licked a tear and then lay back down, smiling all the more.

"chaos, you really shouldn't cry like that anymore. I didn't even know what you were saying."

I leaned over her and kissed her lips again, not even caring that she was teasing me. I was so glad to have my love back.

"Mmmmmm, chaos, I'm supposed to be recovering. You're gonna make this hard for me, aren't you?"

I released her mouth and smiled at her, feeling the joy come off my body in waves.

"I'm so glad your back." I managed to choke out, feeling myself at a loss for words for a moment.

"Aww! chaos, I'm glad to be back! I love you." Kos-mos hugged me to her chest again, grinning when I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her back.

"I love you too, Kos-mos. I love you too."

The End!


End file.
